Death Ro Calls out Uncle Teddy

And farts.

Death Ro Offseason Roster

Team: Death Ro	Owner: Justin Rohour
2008 Payroll: 53.75	2008 Remaining: 31.25 + 1.75 bonus

	Player Name	Salary	Pos	Yrs
1	Alex Rodriguez	9,750,000	3B	1
2	Carlos Zambrano	9,250,000	SP	2
3	Carlos Lee	7,000,000	LF	2
4	Derrek Lee	6,750,000	1B	1+V
5	Ichiro Suzuki	5,250,000	RF	2
6	Daisuke Matsuzaka	5,000,000	SP	2+C
7	Chris Young	4,750,000	SP	1+P
8	Hideki Matsui	3,000,000	LF	2
9	Brandan Phillips	2,500,000	2B	1+B
10	Josh Hamilton	250,000	CF	R-1
11	Yunel Escobar	250,000	2B	R-1
AAA	Mike Pelfrey		SP	R-1
AAA	Kei Igawa		SP	R-1
AAA	Jason Hirsh		SP	R-1
AA	Carlos Gomez		CF	R-0
AA	Jeff Samardzija		SP	R-0
AA	Brent Clevlen		CF	R-0

Trade Announcement: The Death Ro and Guitar Face

Death Ro gets:
Kelvim Escobar, SP ($1,750,000)

Guitar Face gets:
Clay Buchholtz, SP ($0)
Wade Davis, SP ($0)

Salary Implications:
Guitar Face will see their cap space increase by $1 million, with the Death Ro taking on that $1 million against their cap.

"Rhythm Nation" now "The Death Ro"

As of 8PM CST, Rhythm Nation will now be known as "The Death Ro". A new team name has been in the works for sometime, as manager Suge Knight eluded to in a recent interview, he felt that the name Rythm Nation was not "fucking hard enough fo these nigga's". GM Theo Epstein said he was "approached" by Coach Suge about changing the the team's name and immediately brought it to the attention of team president Justin Rohour. Epstein says that the new name is a blend of Suge's sensibilities and a tribute to the team's beloved and underappreciated president. This new moniker is already a hit in the clubhouse, as CF Mike Cameron had this to say about the teams new swagger, "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks, this ain't nuthin' but a gangsta party!".

2007 Contracts - Death Ro

Carlos Zambrano	$9,250,000	3 years(2009)
Carlos Lee	$7,000,000	3 years(2009)
Ichiro Suzuki	$5,250,000	3 years(2009)
Daisuke Matsuzaka	$5,000,000	3 years(2009) + Club
Hideki Matsui	$3,000,000	3 years(2009)
Alex Rodriguez	$9,750,000	2 years(2009)
Derrek Lee	$6,750,000	2 years(2008) + Vesting
Chris R. Young	$4,750,000	2 years(2008) + Player
Brandon Phillips	$2,500,000	2 years(2008) + Buyout
Carlos Quentin	$2,750,000	Rookie (0)

Death Ro 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Suge Knight
Hitting Coach: Tom Emanski
Pitching Coach: Leo Mazzone
Bench Coach: Don Zimmer
Bullpen Catcher: Darren Daulton
Ugly Coach: Gary Gaetti
Buffet Coach: Mo Vaughn

Management
GM: Theo Epstein
Training Staff: Jose Canseco & the ghost of Ken Caminiti

Radio/TV
Play by Play Guy: Gary Thorne
Colored Man: Master P
Studio Guy: Stuart Scott

Entertainment
PA Announcer: Michael Buffer
Anthem Singer: John Legend
PR Director: Jim Jones "Dipset bitches"
Celebrity Fan: Snoop Dogg
Mascot: Money Mike from Friday After Next

Stadium Sponsor: Natural Light