Transactions - 5/21/08

2 Piece & a Biscuit
(cap +$250,000)
Sign:
Clint Barmes($250,000)

Demote to AAA:
Jeremy Sowers

Uncle Teddy and the Revolution
(cap +$1,250,000, released +$500,000)
Sign:
Dan Wheeler($750,000)
Buster Posey($250,000)
Scott Downs($250,000)

Release:
Manny Acosta
Duaner Sanchez

Death Ro
(cap +$250,000)
Promote to MLB:
Chris Perez($250,000)

Demote to AAA:
Rich Hill
Aaron Heilman

James Madison Gang
(cap +$250,000, released +$250,000)
Sign:
Taylor Buchholz($250,000)

Release:
Keith Foulke

Uncle Teddy Has Tumah

Since I'm an insensitive bastard, here's my graphical message to Uncle Teddy upon hearing that he got some of the brain cancer....

The Revolution: "We're Playing for Uncle Teddy"

After word got out about Ted Kennedy's trip to the hospital this morning, Uncle Teddy & the Revolution owner Shaun Kennedy rounded up the troops to try and stay focused on this week's matchup.

"We were concerned for Uncle Teddy, but after we received word that he'll be okay, it was time to get back to business. Uncle Teddy would want it that way," said the owner. While Ted is out of action, bench coach Peyton Manning (w/ his chart full of audibles) will take over. But Uncle Teddy is not expected to miss much time, according to Shaun: "I fully anticipate him shaking this off and coming back to the club within one or two days. Ever since we put that strip club in the locker room, it's been hard to get him away from this place. If anything, the trip to the hospital is more of a vacation."

The rest of the club said that they would not let this situation distract them from the task at hand - kicking the Thunder Guts' ass. They plan on dedicating all wins to Uncle Teddy this week. Some of the bullpen crew will pay tribute to their manager by writing either "Mike MaGwiyah" or "Sammy Sooser" on the bill of their caps.

To raise money for seizure research, celebrity fan Alfonso Ribeiro signed autographs for a minimal fee outside of Ranken Technical College Field. By press time, Ribeiro had raised $13.

Step Right Up

This is the moment I've been waiting for; the inevitable failure of Jason Isringhausen. I have Chris Perez, all you Cards fans, who wants him? I have been expressed interest by more than one owner already today. For the right offer he can be yours, he was my second round pick in the AAA Draft so I realize he's got some descent stuff. Otherwise everytime he gets a save or hold it will be wasted on me, a Cubs fan. "I'm Chris Perez and I approve this post" - Chris Perez

Transactions - 5/14/08

2 Piece & a Biscuit
(cap +$1,500,000)
Sign:
Joe Saunders($250,000)
Todd Wellemeyer($250,000)
Ryan Ludwick($1,000,000)

James Madison Gang
(cap +$500,000, released +$250,000)
Sign:
Milton Bradley($250,000)
Greg Smith($250,000)

Release:
Randy Wolf

Viagra Falls Snake Charmers
(cap +$250,000, released +$1,000,000)
Sign:
Chris Iannetta($250,000)

Release:
Al Reyes
Jacque Jones

Champ Is Here
(cap +$250,000, released +$250,000)
Sign:
Justin Duchscherer($250,000)

Release:
Casey Janssen

Transactions - 5/7/08

Death Ro
(cap +$250,000, released +#250,000)
Sign:
Ramon Ramirez($250,000)

Release:
Lyle Overbay

Uncle Teddy
(cap +$250,000)
Sign:
Steven Strasburg($250,000)

Transactions - 4/30/08

Lousy Street Weasels
(cap +$250,000, released +$250,000)
Sign:
Ervin Santana($250,000)

Release:
Rajai Davis

Uncle Teddy and the Revolution
(cap +$500,000, released +$250,000)
Sign:
Duaner Sanchez($250,000)
Manny Acosta($250,000)

Send to AAA:
Jason Kubel

Release:
Felix Pie

Channel Four News Team
Release:
Edwardo Morlan

James Madison Gang
(released +$2,000,000)
Release:
Anthony Reyes
Livan Hernandez

Viagra Falls Snake Charmers
(released +$250,000)
Release:
Chuck James, bitch

Transactions - 4/23/08

Viagra Falls Snake Charmers
(cap +$250,000)
Sign:
Cliff Lee($250,000)

James Madison Gang
(cap +$250,000, released +$500,000)
Sign:
Ryan Church($250,000)

Release:
Corey Patterson
David Riske

Activate from DL:
J.J. Putz

Transactions - 4/16/08

Channel 4 News Team
(cap +$250,000)
Recall to MLB:
Mark Teahan($250,000)

Demote to AAA:
Barry Bonds

The Lousy Street Weasels
(cap +$500,000
Sign:
Dana Eveland($250,000)
Santiago Casilla($250,000)

The Death Ro
(cap +$250,000)
Sign:
Jake Westbrook($250,000)

DL:
Rich Harden

2 Piece and a Biscuit
(cap +$500,000)
Sign:
Kyle Lohse($250,000)
Kyle McClellan($250,000)

DL:
Pedro Martinez
Joe Borowski

James Madison Gang
(cap +$750,000, released +$250,000)
Sign:
Mike Jacobs($250,000)
Randy Wolf($250,000)
Livan Hernandez($250,000)

Release:
Dave Bush
DL:
Erik Bedard

Hardcore Stat Pack, Week 2, '08

Revolution vs. Death Ro
Uncle Teddy and the Revolution 12-0 (23-1)
Carlos Pena	4 HR, 8 RBI, 6 R
Hanley Ramirez	2 HR, 6 R, 6 RBI, 1 SB, 11 H
Rickie Weeks	2 HR, 6 R, 3 RBI, 2 SB
Cole Hamels	14 IP, 1 ER, 9 K, 2 Wins
Javier Vazquez	14 IP, 3 ER, 17 K, 2 Wins
Huston Street	3 Saves, 0 ER
The Death Ro 0-12 (9-15)
Bill Hall	3 HR, 4 R, 3 RBI
Josh Hamilton	2 HR, 8 RBI, 4 R
Brandon Phillips	3 SB, 3 R
Daisuke Matsuzaka	11.2 IP, 4 ER, 9 K, 2 Wins
Kevin Gregg	2 Saves
Joaquin Benoit	2 IP, 0 ER, Hold
Madison Gang vs. Taintstains
James Madison Gang 10-2 (14-10)
Vladimir Guerrero	2 HR, 8 RBI, 4 R
Corey Patterson	2 HR, 5 RBI, 4 R, 1 SB
Willy Taveras	7 R, 3 SB, 8 H
Brian Bannister	14 IP, 2 ER, 9 K, 2 Wins
Roy Halliday	9 IP, 1 ER, 6 K, Win
John Smoltz	6 IP, 1 ER, 5 K, Win
Eastside Taintstains 2-10 (6-17-1)
Orlando Hudson	2 HR, 7 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB
David Wright	2 HR, 4 RBI, 3 R, 2 SB
Manny Ramirez	1 HR, 6 R, 6 RBI
Tim Hudson	8 IP, 0 ER, 5 K, Win
Edinson Volquez	5 IP, 0 ER
Brian Wilson	2 Saves
Weasels vs. 2 Piece
The Lousy Street Weasels 8-3-1 (15-8-1)
Jason Bay	3 HR, 6 R, 5 RBI
Bengie Molina	2 HR, 7 RBI, 5 R, 10 H
Ian Kinsler	3 SB, 5 R, 3 RBI
Dan Haren	12 IP, 2 ER, 12 K, 2 Wins
Chien-Ming Wang	9 IP, 1 ER, 2 H, Win
Jason Isringhausen	2 Saves, Win, 4 K
2 Piece and a Biscuit 3-8-1 (11-12-1)
Jhonny Peralta	3 HR, 5 RBI, 5 R
Chone Figgins	4 SB, 3 R
Mark Ellis	2 SB, 5 RBI, 4 R, 10 H
Jeff Niemann	6 IP, 1 ER, 5 K, Win
Jonathan Papelbon	2 Saves, 0 ER, 5 K
Heath Bell	2 Holds, 4.2 IP, 1 ER
Thunder Guts vs. News Team
Thunder Guts 6-5-1 (9-14-1)
Raul Ibanez	4 HR, 11 RBI, 7 R, 10 H
Albert Pujols	3 HR, 7 RBI, 7 R, 1 SB, 10 H
Pat Burrell	3 HR, 7 RBI, 6 R
Aaron Harang	8 IP, 1 ER, Win
John Maine	6 IP, 1 ER
Matt Capps	2 Saves, 0 ER, 4 K
Channel 4 News Team 5-6-1 (12-10-2)
B.J. Upton	1 HR, 7 RBI, 6 R, 2 SB
Miguel Tejada	1 HR, 5 R, 5 RBI, 1 SB
Jacoby Ellsbury	2 SB, 3 RBI, 4 R
Tim Lincecum	12 IP, 3 ER, 18 K, Win
Derek Lowe	8 IP, 1 ER, 6 K, Win
Zack Greinke	8 IP, 0 ER, Win
Champ vs. Snake Charmers
The Champ Is Here 6-5-1 (11-12-1)
Lance Berkman	3 HR, 8 R, 7 RBI, 1 SB
Eric Byrnes	1 HR, 8 R, 5 RBI, 1 SB, 11 H
Jeff Francoeur	2 HR, 8 RBI, 4 R
Brett Myers	8 IP, 3 ER, 5 K, Win
Barry Zito	6 IP, 1 ER
Francisco Cordero	Save, 0 ER, 3 K
Viagra Falls Snake Charmers 5-6-1 (6-17-1)
Matt Holliday	2 HR, 10 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB, 12 H
Richie Sexson	1 HR, 6 RBI, 4 R
Erick Aybar	3 SB, 5 R, 9 H
Andy Pettitte	6.2 IP, 1 ER, Win
Dustin McGowan	5 IP, 2 ER, 7 K
B. Lidge/CJ Wilson	2 Saves each, 0 ER

Three Stars - Hitters

#1 - Raul Ibanez - 4 HR, 11 RBI, 7 R, 10-for-27 (.370/.469) #2 - Matt Holliday - 2 HR, 10 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB, 12-for-25 (.480/.519)
#3 - Carlos Pena - 4 HR, 8 RBI, 6 R, 5-for-25 (.200/.355)

Three Stars - Pitchers

#1 - Cole Hamels - 2 Wins, 14 IP, 0.64 ERA, 0.79 WHIP, 9 Ks #2 - Tim Lincecum - 1 Win, 12 IP, 2.25 ERA, 1.25 WHIP, 18 Ks #3 - Javier Vazquez - 2 Wins, 14 IP, 1.93ERA, 0.93 WHIP, 17 Ks