This Week In Hardcore - 4/15/07

The Meaty Urologists put the Hardcore League on notice this week by issuing a whoopin' and jumping out to a huge 6.5 game lead. The Taintstains took advantage of a down week by other second division clubs to move into 6th place from the basement. This week, we saw King Felix outduel Dice-K and continue his complete mound dominance. Carlos Lee did damage for Rhythm Nation while C.C. Sabathia mowed down seventeen in his two starts. The Jones brothers bashed their way to victory for Champ. All this and more in the latest edition of "This Week in Hardcore."

Game/Beatdown of the Week
Meaty Urologists Set Beatdown Record on League Stage, Win 10-1-1

So much for the first "Hardcore Game of the Week". The Urologists took Thunder Guts to the mat in their first ever meeting, winning their series 10-1-1 and charging to a commanding 6.5 game lead. This matchup set an early-season record for worst beatdown. The Urologists brought a very balanced attack this week, not being dominant in one category but being steady in all. Thunder Guts pitching, which had been tops in the league last week, really got knocked around to the tune of 5.45/1.41 and only one win.

Torii Hunter led the way for the Meaty Urologist offense, going 9-for-25 this week, driving in six and swiping three bases. Big Papi drove in seven and Johnny Damon scored six times to help the cause. Chad Tracy scored five and drove in five while hitting .348. Ryan Howard had a .542 On-Base to accompany an otherwise mediocre week. Tom Gorzelanny threw seven shutout innings and fanned five in a no-decision. AJ Burnett and Cole Hamels each struck out ten in their two trips to the mound this week. Eric Bedard struck out nine in six innings of one-run ball in his victory. Billy Wagner closed out two games to lead the team in Saves.

Adrian Beltre had quite a week in a losing cause, hitting .300 with two homers, six runs scored and nine RBI. The Thunder Guts young catcher Russell Martin hit .429/.500 with seven runs and three steals. Doubt we'll see those steals again this season. Justin Morneau and Albert Pujols each hit two home runs apiece while Derek Jeter hit .360/.467 on the week. Jeremy Bonderman pitched a beauty this week, going nine innings of one-run ball but ended up with a no-decision. Johan Santana struck out ten but allowed four runs in his seven innings of work. Scott Olsen and Brett Myers struggled this week, as neither of them finished the fourth inning in their starts. Cla Meredith held two games, helping the bullpen fire 7.2 scoreless innings this week. The Thunder Guts fell from third to ninth in this week's standings.

Nail-biter of the Week
Three Shots Edges 2 Piece 6-5-1

The closest series of the week goes to the Three Shots - 2 Piece matchup, with Three Shots barely winning in a squeaker. Wins, Saves, and Holds were each determined by one decision while the ERA game was decided by an uncharacteristic Joe Nathan meltdown. The six wins for Three Shots was enough to vault them into fifth place, 9.5 back.

Ian Kinsler had a monster week with four homers, eight driven in, seven runs scored and a .476/.542 line. Vernon Wells, Jermaine Dye and Alex Rios each kicked in two home runs apiece. Rios also drove in seven. Orlando Hudson was 10-for-22 on the week, good for a .455/.462 line. On the pitching side, Jose Valverde saved three games with three scoreless innings of work. Chuck James threw six scoreless frames to pick up a win. Tim Hudson held his opponents to one run over seven in his victory. Jeff Francis picked up a win in his outing, allowing two earned over 6.2 innings.

Chase Utley led the 2 Piece offense with two homers, five runs and five RBI. Dan Uggla and Matt Holliday tied for the team lead in hits with eight. Uggla hit .400/.435 for the week while Holliday's line was .348/.464. Kevin Youkilis hit .417/.500 in work limited by rain this week. Dave Roberts stole two bases. Jose Contreras was masterful in his two outings this week, allowing only one run in eleven innings while striking out seven. Derek Lowe turned in a solid performance in his first game as a Biscuit, going eight innings to get a win for his new club. John Smoltz allowed two runs in eight innings of work. 2 Piece dropped a spot to eighth this week.

Taintstains Teabag Guitar Face 8-2-2

The Eastsiders recovered quickly from their opening week hangover to abuse Guitar Face for eight wins. The Taintstains did not lose a single hitting category and capitalized on many Guitar Face pitchers missing their turns due to rain. Riding the success of the past week, Eastside has climbed out of the basement and into sixth place. The injury bug bit Guitar Face this week, with B.J. Ryan and Kelvim Escobar both ending up on the DL.

Jimmy Rollins continued his torrid start to the season by hitting three homers while driving in five and scoring six runs. David Wright was 7-for-18 for a line of .389/.450 on the week. Jose Reyes and Grady Sizemore stole three bases apiece and Reyes added five runs scored. Rich Hill pitched seven shutout innings in his victory this week, while teammate Josh Beckett also went seven in his win. Jason Schmidt and Beckett led the team in strikeouts with eight on the week. Scott Kazmir allowed two runs over eight innings to pick up his first win of the season. Tom Gordon saved two games to lead the bullpen.

The Guitar Face offense did a 180 after last week's dominating performance. Hitting just .236 as a team, they only drove in 25 runs and scored 27. Leading the "charge" was Howie Kendrick, who went 8-for-17 for a .471/.500 weekly line. Miguel Cabrera added two more homers to his resume while driving in five. Todd Helton, the subject of trade rumors for the last week, drove in six. Kelly Johnson scored five times but only hit .158 on the week. Seven hitters posted averages under .200 this week. Yuck. Jake Peavy continued his hot start by pitching one-run ball for seven innings in his victory. Dontrelle Willis won his third game of the year, holding the opposition to three runs over seven innings. Guitar Face dropped from fourth to seventh this week.

Rhythm Nation Offense Lights Up Azzkickers 8-4

The Rhythm Nation offense swept their six games against Uncle Teddy this week, while their pitching faltered a bit to drop four of six. The .318/.402 line posted by Rhythm Nation hitters set a league record in both categories. The Azzkickers set a record of their own, breaking the WHIP mark with a 0.92 on the week. This series was tighter than the final score will indicate, as five of the games were decided on sunday.

A-Rod and Carlos Lee provided the power for Rhythm Nation this week as both stars hit three homers and drove in seven. Lee's three bombs came in the same game. Kenny Lofton and Ichiro Suzuki each tallied six runs, while Lofton hit .421/.522 on the week and swiped two bases. Brandon Phillips and Orlando Cabrera each had two steals as well. Kenji Johjima was 9-for-12 for a .750/.800 line in limited time. Curt Schilling fired eight innings of shutout baseball to pick up a win in his start. Dave Bush held opponents to one run over six innings in his victory. Todd Jones and Bobby Jenks each saved two games. Rhythm Nation picked up three spots in the standings to move into fourth.

Delmon Young had ten hits in 29 trips to post a .345 average this week plus two homers, six runs scored and five driven in. Rickie Weeks also had two bombs and scored eight times to go along with his .389/.476 line. Michael Cuddyer drove in six and scored six. Prince Fielder hit .368/.440 for the week. In the national spotlight, King Felix threw a one-hit shutout, striking out six. Roy Halliday pitched a game for the ages this week, a one run ten-inning victory in his only start of the week. Andy Pettitte got the ball twice this week and allowed one run in thirteen innings, fanning seven and picking up a victory. Matt Cain also threw one-hit ball for seven innings in a no-decision. The Azzkickers held steady in second place this week.

Champ Edges Drunks 6-5-1

The Champ became one of only two teams to win both series so far this year after winning a tight one against Too Drunk to Function. The series win moves them into a tie for third with The Azzkickers. After staying out of last place last week, the Drunks hit rock bottom falling a game and a half behind Thunder Guts for last place.

Chipper and Andruw Jones led the Champs to victory this week, each hitting three homers. Chipper hit .368/.478 on the week with six runs scored and seven driven in. Andruw drove in six and scored five to go along with his .429 On-Base. Chris Duncan and Barry Bonds each hit two home runs while Jeff Francoeur drove in six. Duncan's .438 average and .526 on-base led the team in both categories. Rich Harden got the ball twice this week, allowing three runs over twelve innings and fanning thirteen. Greg Maddux went six innings without allowing a run in his victory. Mike MacDougal picked up two holds this week, while Francisco Cordero managed three saves. The Champs moved up two places to tie for second.

Aaron Rowand hit .467/.636 on the week and Jim Thome hit .471/.609 to lead the Drunk offense. Michael Young, Garrett Atkins, and Carl Crawford all hit two homers apiece to lead the club. Young also added seven RBI to lead the team, while Carl Crawford's five runs tied him with Magglio Ordonez for the team lead in that category. Eric Chavez stole two bases. C.C. Sabathia allowed two runs in fifteen innings this week, striking out seventeen and winning both of his games. Kevin Millwood went six innings to pick up the win in his start, while Brad Penny did the same without allowing a run. Justin Verlander threw seven scoreless innings in a no-decision. The Drunks drop one spot to last place.

Three Stars - Hitters

#1 - Ian Kinsler, Three Shots
Kinsler blew up this week, going 10-for-21 with four homers, eight RBI, 7 runs, and .476/.542 rate stats to win the hitters' gold

#2 - Carlos Lee, Rhythm Nation
Lee did most of his damage in one night, becoming the first player this season to hit 3 homers in one game. Good enough for 2nd place this week

#3 - Chipper Jones, Champ
Larry the Crime Donkey hit .368/.478 on the week with 3 HR, 7 RBI and 6 runs scored to take the bronze

Three Stars - Pitchers

#1 - Felix Hernandez, Azzkickers
The King threw a one-hit complete game shutout. It doesn't get much better than that

#2 - CC Sabathia, Too Drunk
The big man won his two starts this week, striking out 17 in 15 innings of work to take the silver

#3 - Andy Pettitte, Azzkickers
The lefthander allowed one run over thirteen innings in his two starts, striking out seven

Next Week in Hardcore

Meaty Urologists (20-3-1) at Guitar Face (9-12-3)
David Ortiz and the first-place Urologists look to continue their winning ways against Jake Peavy and Guitar Face in the "Hardcore Game of the Week"

Too Drunk to Function (7-15-2) at Rhythm Nation (12-12-0)
John Lackey and Too Drunk to Function look to stop the bleeding while A-Rod tries to lead Rhythm Nation into second place

Three Shots (11-12-1) at Eastside Tainstains (9-11-4)
Taintstains Jimmy Rollins and Grady Sizemore look to build on last week's winning ways while Travis Hafner and Three Shots try to hold them off

The Azzkickers (13-10-1) at 2 Piece & a Biscuit (9-13-2)
King Felix and the Azzkickers try to make a move on first place while Chase Utley and the 2 Pieces try to stop the series losing streak at two

The Champ is Here (13-10-1) at Thunder Guts (9-14-1)
The Jones Boys try to continue the winning ways for Champ as Johan and the Thunder Guts try to recover from last week's beatdown