Too Drunk To Function 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Joe Mikulik
Hitting Coach: Tito Landrum
Pitching Coach: Hideki Irabu
Bench Coach: Crash Davis
Bullpen Catcher: Tony Pena
Ugly Coach: Derek Turnbow
Buffet Coach: David Wells (who will serve double as my fitness coach)

Front Office
GM: Kenneth Lay and Jeffery Skilling

T.V./Radio
Play by Play: Keith Olberman
Colored Man: Bill O'Reily
Studio Guy: Rachel Nichols

Entertainment
P.A. Announcer: Sean Connery
Anthem Singer: Milli Vanilli
PR Director: Drew Rosenhaus
Celebrity Fan: Jessica Alba
Mascot: Barney Gumble
Fight Song: "Beer" by Reel Big Fish
Marketing Campaign: "Puke and Rally"

Stadium Sponsor: Pabst Blue Ribbon

Death Ro 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Suge Knight
Hitting Coach: Tom Emanski
Pitching Coach: Leo Mazzone
Bench Coach: Don Zimmer
Bullpen Catcher: Darren Daulton
Ugly Coach: Gary Gaetti
Buffet Coach: Mo Vaughn

Management
GM: Theo Epstein
Training Staff: Jose Canseco & the ghost of Ken Caminiti

Radio/TV
Play by Play Guy: Gary Thorne
Colored Man: Master P
Studio Guy: Stuart Scott

Entertainment
PA Announcer: Michael Buffer
Anthem Singer: John Legend
PR Director: Jim Jones "Dipset bitches"
Celebrity Fan: Snoop Dogg
Mascot: Money Mike from Friday After Next

Stadium Sponsor: Natural Light

Uncle Teddy & The AzzSlappers 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy
Hitting Coach: Felix Jose
Pitching Coach: Chuck Norris
Bench Coach: Peyton Manning (w/ a chart full of audibles)
Bullpen Catcher: Jenna Jameson
Ugly Coach: Sarah Jessica Parker/Dee Snider (same thing)
Buffet Coach: Jack Box

Management
GM: Thurman Thomas
Training Staff: The Pussycat Dolls

Radio/TV
Play by Play Guy: Vin Scully
Colored Man: Reverend Sweet Release
Studio Guy: Frank Caliendo impersonating Jim Rome

Entertainment
PA Announcer: Jim Mora
Anthem Singer: Carl Lewis
PR Director: William Jefferson Clinton
Celebrity Fan: Alfonso Ribeiro
Mascot: Pork Steaks

Stadium Sponsor: Ranken Tech (full name: The Death Pit at Ranken Technical College Field)

Guitar Face Logos & Marketing

Guitar Face is currently holding a marketing campaign to help determine the new logo for the ballclub. The two submissions can be seen to the left. Let your voice be heard. Email the Guitar Face management and let them know which logo you like better.

Fire	Darkness

	To the left are the results of our first "Commando Marketing Death Squad." Not too bad if you ask me. The ad campaign has been well recieved by the public. Below, you can see that the Religious Right thinks the same thing I do.

Meaty Urologists 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Jose Oquendo
Hitting Coach: Ike Turner
Pitching Coach: Mr. Burns
Bench Coach: Bobby "the Brain" Heenan
Bullpen Catcher: Charo
Ugly Coach: Abe Vigoda
Buffet Coach: Bartolo Colon

Management
GM: Paul DePodesta
Trainer: Patches O'Houlihan

Radio/TV
Play by Play Guy: Harry Caray
Colored Man: Koko B. Ware
Studio Guy: Stephen Colbert

Entertainment
PA Announcer: Bob Dylan
Anthem Singer: Eddie Vedder/Britney Spears
PR Director: Triple H
Celebrity Fan: Jesus
Mascot: Brick Tamland
Fight Song: "Waiting Room" by Fugazi
Marketing Campaign: "Today's forecast: World domination."

Stadium Sponsor: Diet Dr. Pepper

2 Piece and A Biscuit 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Damon Berryhill
Hitting Coach: Chris Sabo
Pitching Coach: Doug Drabek
Bench Coach: Mark Whiten
Bullpen Catcher: Jamie Roe
Ugly Coach: Benito Santiago
Buffet Coach: Terry Pendleton

Management
GM: Larry Bird
Training Staff: The Luvabulls

Radio/TV
Play by Play Guy: Burt Blyleven
Colored Man: Otis Nixon
Studio Guy: Linda Cohn

Entertainment
PA Announcer: Bernie Parmalee
Anthem Singer: Rammstein
PR Director: Dave Andreychuck
Celebrity Fan: Jessica Biel
Mascot: A Full Flavored Green Bean
Fight Song: "The Fight Song" by Marilyn Manson
Marketing Campaign: "Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris"

Stadium Sponsor: Popeye's Chicken

Thunder-Guts 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Charlie Weis
Hittin' Coach: Cecil Fielder
Pitching Coach: Kyle Carter from the Georgia Little League Team
Bench Coach: Bill Cowher
Bullpen Catcher: Tom Pagnozzi
Ugly Coach: Julian Tavarez (also in charge of stabbings and assorted killing duties)
Buffet Coach: Eric aka "Badlands" aka "Hungry and Focued" Booker

Management
General Manager: Vince McMahon
Trainer: Tony Little

TV Crew
Play by Play: Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle
Color: Jerry "the King" Lawler
Studio: Erin Andrews... sans clothes

Entertainment
PA Announcer: Dan LaFontaine (the guy from all the movie trailers)
Anthem Singers: Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld
PR: Busta Rhymes
Celebrity Fan: Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds as Turd Ferguson
Mascot: Animal from the Muppets

Stadium Sponsor: Mark Messier's Cold FX and Schlitz Malt Liquor (the official name is Cold FX Field at Schlitz Malt Liziquor Pizark)

Guitar Face 2007 Staff

Field Staff
Manager: Mike Ditka
Hitting Coach: Rob Deer
Pitching Coach: Mitch Williams
Bench Coach: Alice Cooper
Bullpen Catcher: Mackey Sasser
Ugly Coach: Willie McGee
Buffet Coach: Jack Clark

Management
GM: Ozzy Osbourne
Training Staff: Victor Conte & Greg Anderson

Radio/TV
Play by Play Guy: Ken Wilson
Color Man: Henry Rollins
Studio Guys: Beavis & Butthead

Entertainment
PA Announcer: The Rock
Anthem Singer: Rage Against the Machine
PR Director: Terry Tate, Office Linebacker
Celebrity Fan: Sly Stallone
Mascot: Gene Simmons
Fight Song: "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath
Marketing Campaign: "Guitar Face - It goes to eleven!"

Stadium Sponsor: Dirt Cheap Cigarettes, Beer and Liquor