This Week In Hardcore - 4/8/07

Opening Day: a time for hope, optimism and, of course, trash talking. The first series in Hardcore League history have just completed and we find out which teams have hope and which don't. The first week was a wild one with some close games, some routs, and some shocking developments.

Alex Rodriguez does his best "True Yankee" impression in a losing effort while Daisuke Matzusaka wows the Gaijin in his American debut. Snow played havoc with a few teams, causing hot starts by Grady Sizemore, Richie Sexson, and Jhonny Peralta to be delayed. King Felix and Ben Sheets came out firing in the season's opening week, while former Cy Young winners Curt Schilling and Barry Zito started the season on the wrong foot, as did Former MVP Albert Pujols. All this and more in the latest edition of "This Week in Hardcore."

Beatdown of the Week
Meaty Urologists beat down the Eastside Taintstains, 9-1-2.

The Urologists really took it to the Taintstains this week, only losing Runs and even that one was in doubt. Wins and Steals came out as ties but all other categories went to the Urologists. Taintstain pitching truly crapped the bed, putting up a 5.20 ERA and a 1.51 WHIP on the week. Yikes. The shaky Tainstain bullpen contributed a total of one save and no holds. Well, Taintstains fans, at least it can only get better from here.

The Urologist Offense came together with a total team effort. JD Drew hit .391/.440 for the week, while Mike Piazza nearly mirrored that, with a .393/.433 line. Curtis Granderson hit two homers and drove in seven, while Juan Pierre stole two bags. Pat Burrell hit .381/.500 in a surprising first week. On the pitching side of the ledger, Cole Hamels gave the Urologists seven shutout innings in a no decision and Tom Gorzelanny gave up two earned over five to earn a victory. Jonathon Broxton threw four scoreless innings to earn two holds on the week.

On the Taintstains side, Grady Sizemore was having a week, .438/.500 with three bombs and seven runs, before the snow set in. Jose Reyes swiped three bases and drove in seven. Jimmy Rollins also had three jacks for the Taintstains. The surprise performance of the week goes to Shawn Green for his 9-for-24 performance. Josh Beckett, Jason Schmidt and Rich Hill each turned in one-run performances in their victories and Scott Kazmir fanned 15. Mark Buehrle's start was cut short after being hit on the hand by a comebacker.

Nail-biter of the Week
The Champ Is Here edges Three Shots in March, Rides Sunday's Pitching to 7-5 Victory.

These two clubs split their offensive games and Champ got a sunday afternoon win from Kip Wells to break a tie, giving them the series victory. In this series, Home Runs were seperated by just one, with the win going to March. Champ led the league in Average this week, posting a .302 while March paced the league in Saves with seven.

Champ got a .440/.529 week from Aramis Ramirez to lead the offensive charge. Jeff Kent scored five times to lead the club, while Adrian Gonzalez, Victor Martinez and Kent all drove in five. Chris Duncan hit .429 in limited action. Barry Bonds had the team's only steal. Rich Harden threw seven scoreless innings in his victory, posting seven K's to lead the pitching staff. Wells had 1.38/0.85 rate numbers in his two starts, striking out 14 in 13 innings. Mike MacDougal turned in two holds to help the bullpen. Barry Zito was disappointing in his two outings, getting tagged for ten earned in only eleven innings.

For March, Orlando Hudson had eleven hits in 29 trips this week, scoring nine times. Jason Bay, Ian Kinsler, and Ivan Rodriguez each hit two homers last week. Scott Rolen, Vernon Wells, and Hudson led the team with five RsBI. Wells put up two steals in the season's opening week. Matt Kemp hit .462/.467 and Travis Hafner posted a .444 On-Base, both in limited duty. Danny Haren had two outstanding starts this week, allowing one run in thirteen innings. Chuck James gave up one run over five in his victory. Reliever Jose Valverde led the team in strikeouts with six while racking up three saves to tie Joe Nathan for the club lead. Chris Carpenter heads to the DL this week.

Thunder-Guts beat Rhythm Nation 8-4 in Opener

Thunder-Guts pitching was the story in this one, beating Rhythm Nation hurlers 5-1 while racking up ten Wins. The two clubs split the hitting games, with Rhythm Nation taking Runs, HRs and RsBI. The Thunder-Guts led the circuit in Wins, K's, and Steals this week in their victory.

Johan Santana, Aaron Harang, and Scott Olsen each won both of their starts this week to really put the Wins category away early in this one. Santana and Brett Myers each tallied 15 K's to lead the club. Javier Vazquez allowed only one hit and no runs in his six and two-thirds innings this week. Eric Byrnes provided the thunder for the Thunder-Guts, going 11-for-31 along with two homers and four steals. Justin Morneau hit two homers and drove in seven to go along with his .353/.476 week at the plate. Albert Pujols had a disappointing opening week, going 3-for-22.

Even A-Rod's monster opening week couldn't save Rhythm Nation this time. Rodriguez hit .381/.458 for the week with four bombs, eleven driven in and eight runs scored. Derrek Lee posted a .440/.500 line while Marcus Giles hit .444/.524 in limited duty. Kenny Lofton stole two bags but went 3-for-23 on the week. Daisuke Matsuzaka's debut was the highlight of the week in Rhythm Nation, as the Japanese import fanned ten in his seven inning victory. Chris Capuano and Curt Schilling each fanned ten or more for the week in their two starts, but both got hit around a bit this week. Todd Jones and Scot Shields contributed three saves and two holds, leading the bullpen with their scoreless weeks.

Guitar Face eats 2 Piece and a Biscuit for Breakfast, 7-4-1

Guitar Face holds off a late charge from our friends from Popeye's to secure their first series win of the new year. A save by Jonathon Papelbon on sunday night secured a tie in Saves for 2 Piece and a Biscuit. The much-maligned Guitar Face offense showed up in a big way this week, winning four of their six games.

The two franchise players on offense for the rockers, Miguel Cabrera and Vlad Guerrero, led the way. Cabrera hit .500/.607 on the week with two jacks, eight driven in and seven runs scored. Guerrero posted a .440/.483 line with three bombs while driving in ten runs. Adam Dunn also had a three homer week while stealing two bases to tie Willy Taveras for the team lead. Jhonny Peralta was hitting .385/.467 before the snow came to Cleveland. Jake Peavy was stellar in his two outings this week, posting a 0.69/0.92 week over 13 innings. Dontrelle Willis won both of his starts, striking out a dozen. Huston Street and B.J. Ryan each saved two games.

Carlos Beltran, Melvin Mora, and Matt Holliday each hit two homers and drove in seven for 2 Piece and a Biscuit this week. Paul LoDuca hit .409/.440 to lead the club in rate stats, while Mark Teixeira posted a .423 On-Base. Ryan Freel swiped four bases to secure the club's victory in Steals while Gary Matthews Jr scored seven times to help win Runs. Roy Oswalt led the pitching staff with two dominating outings, allowing two runs over seventeen innings. John Smoltz fanned eleven hitters in two starts while picking up a Win. John Maine threw seven innings of one-hit shutout ball in his victory. Chris Ray and Papelbon both saved two games on the week.

Azzkickers Live Up to Name, Beat Drunks 9-2-1

Uncle Teddy and the Azzkicker offense steamrolled the Too Drunk to Function offense, taking all six games. The pitching side wasn't much better as the Drunks dropped four of six. While the Azzkicker staff struggled to get Wins, everything else seemed to take care of itself. A late statistical adjustment tied the two teams in Holds.

King Felix started his Azzkicker career off on a good note, fanning twelve in eight innings of shutout ball. Ben Sheets also had a good week, logging fifteen innings of 3.60 ERA. Roy Halliday kicked in eleven K's in his two starts. Bobby Howry and Justin Speier each held two games and Brian "Daisy" Fuentes had the series' only save. Xavier Nady had a week, hitting two homers and scoring five times. Hanley Ramirez stole three bases and scored eight times. Rookie Chris "Black" Young drove in nine runs to lead the club, despite a .192 average. Joe Mauer (.368/.429) and Michael Cuddyer (.412/.474) paced the team in rate stats.

Richie Sexson hit two jacks and drove in five in only eleven at bats due to his week being cut short by snow. Eric Chavez was nine-for-twenty-nine this week to lead the Drunks in hits, while Luis Castillo hit .381/.409 to lead in Average and On-Base. Aaron Rowand stole two bases and Jason Giambi drove in six in a losing effort. John Lackey was outstanding in his two Wins, allowing one run in twelve innings and striking out eleven. Justin Verlander threw six shutout innings in a no-decision while Brad Penny allowed one run over seven to pick up a victory. Aaron Heilman, Kiko Calero, and Juan Rincon picked up two holds apiece.

Three Stars - Hitters

#1 - Alex Rodriguez, Rhythm Nation
Hit .381/.458 on the week with four homers, eleven driven in, eight runs scored, and a steal to claim the week's top honors.

#2 - Vladimir Guerrero, Guitar Face
Posted a .440/.483 line with three bombs, ten RsBI, and five runs scored to take the silver this week.

#3 - Eric Byrnes, Thunder Guts
In a shocker, Byrnes takes the bronze with a .355/.412 line, two round-trippers, seven driven in, five runs, and four steals.

Three Stars - Pitchers

#1 - John Lackey, Too Drunk to Function
Lackey takes the gold with two stellar starts, winning both games and allowing one run over twelve innings and striking out eleven.

#2 - Felix Hernandez, Azzkickers
An eight inning shutout victory with twelve K's earns second place among hurlers this week.

#3 - Daisuke Matsuzaka, Rhythm Nation
Dice-K allowed one run over seven innings and struck out twelve in his victory this week to take the bronze.

Next Week in Hardcore

Meaty Urologists (9-1-2) at Thunder Guts (8-4-0)
Big Papi and Ryan Howard bring the beef to the Thunder Guts house to meet Albert and Johan in the "Hardcore Game of the Week"

Rhythm Nation (4-8-0) at Azzkickers (9-2-1)
Azzkickers Roy Halliday and Joe Mauer try to keep their winning ways going as A-Rod and Carlos Zambrano bring Rhythm Nation to visit

Guitar Face (7-4-1) at Taintstains (1-9-2)
Miguel Cabrera and Vlad Guerrero look to "rock" David Wright and Jose Reyes as the Taintstains look to get back on track

Too Drunk To Function (2-9-1) at Champ Is Here (7-5-0)
Drunkards Alfonzo Soriano and Carl Crawford will look to "steal" a series from Lance Berkman and Aramis Ramirez

2 Piece & a Biscuit (4-7-1) at 3 Shots In March (5-7-0)
Popeye's mascots Chase Utley and Roy Oswalt meet Vernon Wells and Travis Hafner in a battle of teams trying to recover from Opening Day