The Hardcore League Season Preview

It seemed like just yesterday that the Meaty Urologists won the inaugural Hardcore League championship. All of the team's winnings have barely hit the strip club floor, and it's time for a new season already! With the free agent signing and prospect draft last weekend, here is a breakdown of how each club fared:

2 Piece and a Biscuit

Best Signing: Magglio Ordonez ($6.75 Million). With the loss of Matt Holliday, a big bat needed to be put in 2 Piece's lineup. They re-signed last year's midseason acquisition for nearly half the price tag of Holliday.

Worst: Carlos Beltran ($7.25 MM). The other big free agent splash is a guy who had off-season knee surgeries on both knees. Beltran is still relatively young, but this is a steep price for a guy with some question marks.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Chipper Jones. I could mention a bunch of "if's" here. He has played in 137, 109, 110, and 134 games from 2004-2007. Luckily 2 Piece has a lot of 3B and UTIL depth to fill in for the eventual missed time.

Zip Code Huuuge: Pedro Martinez. Behind Oswalt and Wainwright, Pedro is the 3rd starter. 2 Piece is pitching-rich in the minors, but the Major League level needs a lot of luck to keep up with the offense.

James Madison Gang

Best Signing: John Smoltz ($3.75 MM). Extremely cheap for a starter of Smoltz's caliber. Despite missing his first start of the year, he's not old and busted yet.

Worst: J.J. Putz ($4 MM). This isn't your typical "worst signing," as the JMG did not spend over $5 MM for any free agent. Unfortunately, the market for closers went way down after Putz was signed.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Jeremy Bonderman. He is making a lot of money, and was disgustingly bad in the second half of '07. JMG really needs Bonderman to rebound and at least be solid in the rotation.

Zip Code Huuuge: Conor Jackson and Stephen Drew. Getting anything of value out of these two in '08 will be enormous for The Gang's offense.

Channel 4 News Team

Best Signing: Robinson Cano ($4.25 MM). He probably should have stood pat with Cano at second base instead of...

Worst: B. J. Upton ($6.25 MM). This is a little more than what Upton should be worth in '08, but there is potential for this to be a bargain a year or two from now. With only one good year under his belt, this was a slight reach.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Alex Gordon. The club has him for four years to find out if it was worth trading Ryan Braun. Old school Meaty Urologist fans were obviously upset, but the new generation of C4NT fans can't wait to see AG on the field.

Zip Code Huuuge: Miguel Tejada. Lots of questions surrounding the other Miggy this off-season. He has the potential to return to greatness in Houston. Or the potential to sink the News Team's quest for a repeat.

Eastside Taintstains

Best Signing: Carlos Marmol ($1.5 MM). It is always nice to pick up a young arm who has nasty stuff and closer potential. The price tag is about right for the market, but there is a lot of upside value and this could/should be a multi-year deal.

Worst: The $7.25 MM left over in cap room. The Taintstains had ZERO transactions last year, so there is no reason to leave any money on the table. This could have been spent on a number of players to add depth, especially with three SP's starting the season on the DL.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Manny Ramirez. He is one of 5 Taintstains making $7 MM and up. If Manny earns his money, this team might have one of the best offenses in the league.

Zip Code Huuuge: Fausto Carmona and Tim Hudson. Another team with questions on it's pitching staff. These two will have to carry the load for a while until the big boys (Beckett and Kazmir) return to form. After that, they will still need solid seasons for E.T. to finish in the top half of the standings.

Viagra Falls Snake Charmers

Best Signing: Adam Laroche ($1 MM). Because of the signing below, the VFSC had to go cheap with a lot of players. Laroche is steady, and a great value for a million. Plus, for the months when Richie Sexson will hit .180, Laroche can step in.

Worst: Matt Holliday ($12 MM). The Charmers' owner would probably disagree with this one. To his credit though, the fans wanted Holliday badly, and they got him.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: The Entire Infield (Sexson, Theriot, M. Young, Atkins, E. Aybar, Zimmerman). We know the OF's can hit, but there could be a lot of bad stats coming from at least half of these guys.

Zip Code Huuuge: Hiroki Kuroda. Another team, more rotation questions. With injuries here as well, Kuroda needs to be solid to above average for the pitching staff to be any good.

Uncle Teddy & the Revolution

Best Signing: Brandon Webb ($7.5 MM). With a lot of money to burn, Uncle Teddy needed to make a big splash somewhere. He missed out on Holliday and Peavy, and took Webb for a great value.

Worst: Rafael Betancourt ($2.75 MM). Despite the lights-out '07 stats and closer potential, this was about $750,000 too much, compared to what other set-up men went for.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Felix Hernandez. It appears that everyone is coming back to earth after expecting a 25-0, 1.11 ERA, and 400 strikeout year from King Felix. The lofty expectations were put on him at a young age, but even a slight improvement over last year's numbers will be big for Uncle Teddy.

Zip Code Huuuge: Delmon Young. Mr. Kennedy hates looking like an idiot. In year two of a four year deal, Delmon Young will have to show that he earned that contract.

Thunder Guts

Best Signing: John Maine ($2 MM). With a lot of money tied up in two players, the Guts needed to make deals like this, Ben Sheets ($2.5 MM), and James Shields ($3 MM).

Worst: Jake McGee ($2.75). The Guts got a little prospect-happy in making McGee the 9th highest paid player in the organization.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Albert Pujols. It's very slim that Albert will be more valuable than what the Guts are paying him. The day he gets shut down for the season to have elbow surgery should be the kickoff to a tremendous Thunder Guts fire sale.

Zip Code Huuuge: The team's GM. The Guts aren't a horrible team for '08, but will have a tough chance contending with the upper echelon of the Hardcore League. So it is highly important that the team make wise trades throughout the season to prepare itself for a comeback in 2009.

The Death Ro

Best Signing: Rich Hill ($3 MM). This should be a good value for '08. Way better if this is a multi-year deal.

Worst: Brad Hawpe ($4.75 MM). Death Ro got tied up in a bidding war with the Thunder Guts and this one got way out of hand. Swisher, Hermida, or Byrnes could have been had for at least a million dollars cheaper, or for $2 MM more, they could have had Magglio Ordonez.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Yunel Escobar. The youngster gives TDR a lot of flexibility up the middle. Escobar will need to be productive early and often to stay in the potent Death Ro lineup.

Zip Code Huuuge: Carlos Zambrano and Daisuke Matsuzaka. Both of these pitchers underperformed expectations last year. For Zambrano, it may have been a fluke. If both are at the top of their game in '08, The Death Ro might not relinquish his hold on first place this time around.

The Champ is Here

Best Signing: Jake Peavy ($9.5 MM). Not because the price was cheap, but SP's were much needed by The Champ. Between this deal and the Verlander trade, the pitching staff looks a lot better than it was a year ago.

Worst: Chase Headley ($1.75 MM). Another prospect-happy pickup. If Headley does better than Kevin Kouzmanoff's first year with the Padres, this may not look as bad.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Andruw Jones. This is the year we find out if Jones has completely fallen off, or if he is safe to draft again.

Zip Code Huuuge: Jose Valverde and Francisco Cordero. The Champ went out and signed the two closers that everyone is skeptical about this year. If they come close to, or meet last year's numbers, The Champ will look like a genius.

The Lousy Street Weasels

Best Signing: Todd Helton ($2 MM). He's no longer a fantasy monster, but Todd Helton isn't completely useless yet. Like the Thunder Guts, the Weasels needed to make moves like this because of a lot of money tied up in its top players.

Worst: Jason Heyward ($2.25 MM). And like the Thunder Guts, the Weasels do something puzzling like this. It's bad enough another owner wanted to spend $2 million on Heyward, who is at least two, probably 3+ years away.

This Guy Needs to be Huge: Wells, Hafner, and Bay. Lots of money on lots of disappointment.

Zip Code Huuuge: Francisco Liriano and Matt Kemp. They were both signed in 2007 because of their impact in 2008. They need to meet the Weasels' expectations to have jobs in 2009.