The Revolution: "We're Playing for Uncle Teddy"

After word got out about Ted Kennedy's trip to the hospital this morning, Uncle Teddy & the Revolution owner Shaun Kennedy rounded up the troops to try and stay focused on this week's matchup.

"We were concerned for Uncle Teddy, but after we received word that he'll be okay, it was time to get back to business. Uncle Teddy would want it that way," said the owner. While Ted is out of action, bench coach Peyton Manning (w/ his chart full of audibles) will take over. But Uncle Teddy is not expected to miss much time, according to Shaun: "I fully anticipate him shaking this off and coming back to the club within one or two days. Ever since we put that strip club in the locker room, it's been hard to get him away from this place. If anything, the trip to the hospital is more of a vacation."

The rest of the club said that they would not let this situation distract them from the task at hand - kicking the Thunder Guts' ass. They plan on dedicating all wins to Uncle Teddy this week. Some of the bullpen crew will pay tribute to their manager by writing either "Mike MaGwiyah" or "Sammy Sooser" on the bill of their caps.

To raise money for seizure research, celebrity fan Alfonso Ribeiro signed autographs for a minimal fee outside of Ranken Technical College Field. By press time, Ribeiro had raised $13.