This Week In Hardcore - 4/22/07

Well, the bats finally woke up this week. After a slow start to the season, we saw new highs set in Runs, Homers, RBI, and Steals this week, as well as some unbelievable personal performances at the plate. A-Rod still cannot be contained and Travis Hafner and Bill Hall helped Three Shots in March set the league HR and RBI record. Champ tied the newly-minted Home Run mark with help from an unusual source: JJ Hardy? The Azzkickers took the league Runs record, with 69 while the Biscuiteers broke the steals mark. A few pitchers decided not to let the hitters have all the fun as Zito, Cain, and Hamels all pitched wonderfully this week and that Buehrle guy was pretty good too. All this and more in the latest edition of "This Week in Hardcore."

Hardcore Game of the Week
Meat-U Survives 6-5-1 Against Guitar Face

In a battle that wasn't decided until late sunday night, the Meaty Urologists come from behind to beat Guitar Face by half a game. A late steal, homer, and RBI from JD Drew sealed the deal as the Urology Dept wins their third straight series. The narrow victory allows them to hold on to their seven game lead. Guitar Face, while holding their own against the class of the league thusfar, has dropped their last two series and are 8-13-3 in the last two weeks.

Juan Pierre was on fire this week, going 14-for-32 at the plate (.438/.471) with eleven runs scored and three steals. Miguel Tejada hit .478/.520 to lead the club in both categories to go along with his five RBIs. Big Papi provided the pop with three homers, six driven in and five runs scored this week. Tad Iguchi had a pair of steals in his .353/.500 week at the plate. Torii Hunter also hit .353 and drove in five. Cole Hamels rang up fifteen hitters in his complete game victory this week, setting a high water mark for K's in a game this season. Tom Gorzelanny won both of his starts this week, allowing four runs in fourteen and a third to go with his eight strikeouts. The Meaty Urologists maintain their seven game lead over Death Ro.

Filling in for the injured Howie Kendrick, second baseman Kelly Johnson had a monster week for Guitar Face, going 13-for-25 (.520/.600) with two homers, six runs, six driven in and a steal. Todd Helton hit .421/.538 on the week. The Flyin' Hawaiian Shane Victorino was 10-for-27 with three steals for a .370/.433 line on the week. Chris Burke kicked in two steals for the Rockers. Kyle Lohse threw seven innings of shutout ball in his debut for the team this week. Brandon Webb struck out thirteen over eight innings while allowing just one run in his start. Salomon Torres and Huston Street each saved two games without allowing a run. Ian Snell allowed three runs in fourteen innings of work this week, winning one of his starts and striking out ten. Guitar Face remains in seventh place.

Beatdown of the Week
Death Ro Executes Drunks, 7-3-2

Here at This Week in Hardcore, we try to be caring, sensitive reporters who try not to make anyone feel bad. HOWEVA, the Drunks need to lay off the sauce. Too Drunk to Function dropped their third straight series to tighten their stranglehold on the basement. While a closer match than our previous Beatdowns, the Death Ro offense took out their aggression on the Drunkards, losing only On-Base by .001. I would demand a recount but that might be rubbing it in too much. Pitching in this match was dead even, with each staff going 2-2-2 so I guess the Beatdown should be credited only to the Death Ro-ffense.

Someone stop this man before he kills again! A-Rod got all mashy again this week, continuing his assault and battery on poor unworthy pitchers. 10-for-27, nine runs, five bombs, thirteen ribs, .370/.393. That's just stupid. Brendan Phillips had a week, with two homers and two steals while driving in seven. Marcus Giles had twelve hits in thirty tries for an even .400 average this week. Derrek Lee scored eight times and swiped two bags while getting on base at a .455 clip. Chris "White" Young threw seven innings of one run, seven K ball in his victory this week to lead the staff. Bobby Jenks closed out three games in his three appearances. Chris Capuano won both of his starts this week while striking out eleven in as many innings of work. Daisuke Matsuzaka fanned seventeen in his two starts but the ERA was a bloated 5.54. The Death Ro now sits alone in second place, seven back.

Jim Thome tried his best to get Too Drunk back in the game this week but his 5-for-11, three homer, six run week wasn't enough. Magglio Ordonez drove in eight for the Drunks while Garrett Atkins and Aaron Rowand led the club in hits with nine. Rowand also added two homers. Jason Giambi hit .400/.471 on the week. Braden Looper turned in seven innings of one-run ball in his victory this week. Brad Penny went thirteen innings in his two starts, allowing three runs and picking up a victory in the process. Justin Verlander fanned twelve to lead the club in that category. CC Sabathia allowed two runs over seven innings in his start, striking out eight. It wasn't a real pretty week for Too Drunk to Function, as they fall three games behind the Thunder Guts and into sole posession of last place.

Nail-biter of the Week
Thunder Guts and Champ Draw 6-6

The first ever series tie in Hardcore League history was a true split, as even the hitters and pitchers each tied at three wins apiece. We saw the Champ offense set a new series homerun record with sixteen this week. Five Champs hit more than one home run last week in their offensive barrage. They also topped the previous record in Runs and RBI, only to be beaten out for the record the same week. Strikeouts came down to the wire with a 44-43 win going to Champ. Each team dropped one spot in the standings with the split, Champ to third and Thunder Guts to ninth.

The Champ offensive explosion was led by Barry Bonds and JJ Hardy, who both launched three homers this week, while Adrian Gonzalez, Aramis Ramirez and Chipper Jones all hit two apiece. Bonds scored seven times and hit .471/.565 on the week. Gonzalez drove in eight and scored five times. Ramirez drove in seven and Jeff Francoeur drove in eight while only hitting .192 on the week. Jeff Kent was 11-for-25 for a .440/.481 line. Barry Zito was the pitching star for Champ, throwing thirteen scoreless innings in his two victories this week, striking out nine. Francisco Cordero closed out three games with his four scoreless innings. Freddy Garcia fanned nine in his pair of starts.

Felipe "Li'l Flip" Lopez had twelve hits to lead the Thunder Guts offense. Albert Pujols broke out of his early season slump with two homers and five RBI. Eric Byrnes hit .393/.469 on the week while swiping two bases. Corey Hart stole three bags and hit .500/.632 in limited action. Russell Martin continued his torrid start by driving in seven. Team Captain Derek Jeter was 9-for-28 with eight runs scored and one million born champion points. Aaron Harang struck out eight over six innings in his one-run start this week. Johan Santana recovered from his rough stretch last week to allow one run over seven innings while striking out a batter per inning in his victory. Jeremy Bonderman also allowed one run over seven, fanning six. Bob Wickman saved three games and Francisco Rodriguez saved two.

Taintstains Drink Three Shots, Win 8-4

In a case of "What do I have to do?", Three Shots set league records in home runs and RBIs and still lost their series. The Taintstains starting pitching was in a groove all week helping to edge their opponents in wins 5-4 while getting quality starts from everyone but Scott Kazmir. Getting a no-hitter thrown in there doesn't hurt either. The Taintstains climbed two spots in the standings to fourth while Three Shots fell three spots to eighth.

Catcher Michael Barret was the hitting star for Eastside this week, collecting four homers, ten RBI, and hitting .381. Manny Ramirez, Jason Varitek and Shawn Green each hit a pair of homers this week. Jose Reyes was 13-for-28 with four steals and eight runs scored for a .464/.516 line. Brian Roberts stole five bases to lead the club. Coco Crisp and Green both hit an even .400 for the week. Mark Buerhle's no-hitter was the story on the Eastside and throughout the baseball world this week. Rich Hill also provided some excitement with an eight inning shutout victory. Anibal Sanchez allowed three runs in ten innings of work this week. Armando Benitez added two saves.

Travis Hafner went crazy this week for Three Shots, going 12-for-22 with three homers, eight RBI, and five runs scored for a .545/.630 line. Bill Hall also got mashy, going 12-for-28 with three homers, nine runs and nine RBI while hitting .429/.484 on the week. Adam LaRoche hit two homers and Orlando Hudson drove in eight. Scott Rolen's bat finally woke up with a 9-for-22 week, good for a .409 average. Tim Hudson fired eight scoreless innings in his victory while Dan Haren followed with seven shutout frames and a victory of his own. Ervin Santana led the club in strikeouts with nine in his two starts. The less said about Chuck James and Jeff Francis this week the better. Joe Nathan saved three games.

2 Piece Kicks The Azzkickers While They're Down 7-4-1

In another record-setting series, 2 Piece and a Biscuit took the Azzkickers behind the woodshed despite being completely abandoned by their starting pitching. The chicken moguls set a league mark for steals with fourteen and the Azzkickers scored 69 times (Get it? They SCORED 69 times. What, it's funny.) to break the league record in runs. The series brought 2 Piece and a Biscuit up two spots to sixth while The Azzkickers dropped three spots to fifth.

Carlos Beltran had a huge week for 2 Piece with two homers, nine RBI, seven runs scored, two steals and a .448/.484 line. Moises Alou also broke out the lumber, going 10-for-22 with two bombs, seven RsBI, and six runs scored. Carlos Guillen drove in ten runs this week to go along with his two homers and two steals. Dan Uggla hit two homers while driving in seven and scoring seven. Matt Holliday was 12-for-26 this week for a .462/.500 line and Ryan Freel was 10-for-29 with six runs scored. John Maine continued his hot start, allowing two runs over seven innings while striking out seven in his victory. Roy Oswalt struck out nine in his two starts this week, giving up five runs in thirteen innings or work. Adam Wainwright got knocked around this week, allowing eleven runs in eleven innings to go along with his eleven strikeouts. Chris Ray picked up two saves.

Joe Mauer hit .524/.593 for the Azzkickers this week by going 11-for-21 with seven driven in, six runs scored and two steals. Hanley Ramirez hit two homers and scored seven times while getting on base at a .486 clip. Ryan Zimmerman and Brian Giles each had eleven hits, marking the end of Zimmerman's slow start. Michael Cuddyer drove in eight to lead the club, while Rich Aurilia, Xavier Nady, Nick Markakis and Zimmerman all drove in six. Rickie Weeks led the team with three steals. Matt Cain was fantastic in his two starts this week, throwing sixteen innings of one run ball, striking out eleven and picking up a victory. Randy Wolf got the only other victory for the pitching staff, going six innings and giving up a run while striking out ten. Joe Borowski saved two for the Azzkickers.

Three Stars - Hitters

#1 - Alex Rodriguez, Death Ro
I guess hitting five homers, driving in thirteen, and a .370/.393 line is good, but geez A-Rod, can't you steal a base or something?

#2 - Travis Hafner, Three Shots
Looks like Pronk was angry this week, belting three bombs, driving in eight and hitting a ridiculous .545/.630. Opposing teams wouldn't like Pronk when he's angry.

#3 - Carlos Beltran, 2 Piece and a Biscuit
Giving you an idea of how ridiculous this week was for hitters, 13-for-29, two homers, two steals, nine RBI, seven runs, .448/.484 was only good enough for THIRD PLACE. Try harder next week, Carlos.

Three Stars - Pitchers

#1 - Mark Buehrle, Eastside Taintstains
He only took the ball once this week, but what a start it was. One walk away from perfection and eight K's. I'm sure ESPN didn't mention this yet, but he didn't throw a single pitch over 90 mph.

#2 - Barry Zito, The Champ is Here
Quite the comeback for Barry Z this week, picking up two wins without allowing a run in thirteen innings of work. Could have been #1 this week if the guy above him would have given up a hit.

#3 - Cole Hamels, Meaty Urologists
Hamels takes the lead for K's in a game this season with his fifteen strikeout performance. He allowed a run on five hits in his complete game victory. I think he'll be appearing on this list for a long time.

Next Week in Hardcore

Be sure to read Shaun's post below for his analysis of the Next Week in Hardcore.