Next Week in Hardcore

-by Shaun Kennedy

Hardcore Game of the Week
Presented in stunning HD*
by Dirt Cheap Cigarettes, Beer and Liquor

Uncle Teddy (17-17-2)
vs.
The Champ is Here (19-16-1)

Last week, The U set a new Runs record (69), while The Champ set a new Home Runs record (tie-16). Some of the top players for both teams are from the Milwaukee Brewers. That should tell the story right there. This one might come down to pitching--which isn’t good because both teams are still in the single digits in pitcher wins this year (Teddy-9, Champ-8). At least they both get a lot of holds.

Guitar Face (14-18-4)
vs.
The Death Ro (19-15-2)

Guitar Face was the first team to not get beat down by the Meaty Urologists, so add a moral victory to their win column if you’d like, Dan McLaughlin. Any team with Miggy Cabrera and Vlad is dangerous. Also having Jake Peavy and Brandon Webb is never a bad idea, too bad they face each other on Wednesday. Adam Dunn hit .222 last week. Is he back to “old form” now after the hot start? The Death Ro gets to find out the hard way as they counter with A-Rod and a bunch of other guys on A-Rod’s back. Well, except for top closers Todd Jones and Bobby Jenks. They’re walking.

Meaty Urologists (25-8-3)
vs.
Three Shots in March (15-20-1)

The Urologists were finally cooled off last week by Guitar Face, even though they still won the series 6-5-1. Ryan Howard is back from a brief injury, and Big Papi is coming off his big series vs. the Yankees (in real life). The Urologists also feature Cole Hamels, who pretty much beat Guitar Face by himself last week in one game. Three Shots has looked smart so far with bargains such as Ian Kinsler and Orlando Hudson producing like top picks. Even better has been Tim Hudson (no relation) who’s got 3 wins and a 0.62 ERA. Oh and Randy Johnson is coming back Tuesday! Get that camera out of my face!

Eastside Taintstains (17-15-4)
vs.
Too Drunk To Function (10-22-4)

The Taintstains got a boost last week from Mark Buehrle’s No-Hitter, winning their series 8-4. They look to continue that momentum this week, despite the struggles of David Wright and Manny Ramirez (who finally hit his first HR last week). However, Jose Reyes, the second-best player in fantasy baseball, has made up for that and has helped the Taintstains move into 4th place in the league. Too Drunk looks to end the month with a better result than the first three weeks. We haven’t seen much out of Soriano or Crawford this season; they both possess Bat and Shoes according to MVP 2005, so there shouldn’t be a need to worry just yet.

2 Piece and a Biscuit (16-17-3)
vs.
Thunder Guts (15-20-1)

2 Piece got a huge day out of Dan Uggla Sunday, helping to put 7 wins on the board last week. They also got big contributions out of New York OF’s Moises Alou, Carlos Beltran, and Bobby Abreu. What, does Alou think he’s a Rising Star again? Call Chuck McElroy, let’s make a 30 cent rookie card! Thunder Guts are lead by the trio of Albert Pujols, Ty Wigginton, and Johan Santana. That will be my preview of their team every week. I have nothing else to say, except you should look out for those guys.

* - only if you have an HD tv set and access to HD broadcasts of baseball. If you do, can we come over and watch?