Snippets from MU Owner Eric Ferguson's Press Conference

"Konerko? Iguchi? They suck. A lot of my guys have sucked, but they suck. A lot. I've f'ing had it with them."
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"Ryan Howard's pissing me off. But he's been hurt. I sunk a lot of money into that bastard, so he'd better produce when he gets back."
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"How are we in first place? I mean, seriously, how is that possible? We suck. From top to bottom. Suck, suck, suck. Oh well, after this week, everything will be different ..."
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"Kevin Kouzmanoff can lick it. Next question."
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"I can neither confirm nor deny that Bartolo Colon ate Todd Coffey. That's the kind of speculation I don't want to get into right now. But I can tell you that Coffey is no longer with the team."