This Week In Hardcore - 5/6/07

The word for the week is "Beatdown". Ready everybody? "Beatdown." Good job kids. There were two shalackings handed out this week, one from the formerly last place Too Drunk to Function and one from Guitar Face. The first place Meaty Urologists won another series (BORING!) but we have a new second place club this week. We saw new league records set for batting average, on-base, saves, and overall record this week. We've got rookies pitching like aces and aces getting bombed. Three new stars on offense this week and a pitching star appearing for the second straight week. All this and more in the latest edition of "This Week in Hardcore."

Hardcore Game of the Week
Taintstains vs. Death Ro

Death Ro pitching overcomes a 4-2 loss in hitting to win the series 7-5. Death Ro set a league mark for batting average, hitting .330 on the week. Despite their own record-breaking performance, the Taintstains .321 average was not enough. The Death Ro bullpen also set the league record for saves with eight. The victory vaults The Death Ro into second place, 7.5 back of the Urologists. After losing their first series of the year to the Thunder Guts, Death Ro has now run off four straight series wins, going 29-17-2 in that span. The loss drops the Taintstains down one place to sixth, only 2.5 back of second place.

The Death Ro got contributions up and down the lineup this week in their victory over the Taintstains this week. Derrick Lee continued to lead the universe in hitting, going 12-for-24 this week with five RBIs. Josh Hamilton got his stroke back, hitting two jacks, scoring seven times, swiping a base and collecting nine hits. Carlos Lee had an eleven hit week and drove in seven. Kenny Lofton had a pair of homers and a pair of steals. BJ Upton continued hitting, going 9-for-23 this week. Chris White Young threw eight shutout innings, picking up a win and eight K's in his start this week. Curt Schilling fanned fourteen in his two starts, winning one. The ageless Todd Jones saved four games this week while his understudy Bobby Jenks picked up two. Scot Shields had a pair of holds.

Lots of monster weeks for the Taintstain offense this time around. Troy Glaus led the way with a 10-for-25 week with four homers, seven driven in and eight runs scored. Jose Reyes, Jimmy Rollins, and Randy Winn had twelve hits apiece to lead the club. Reyes added three steals while Rollins had two steals, six runs and five RBI. Winn scored eight times on the week and Trot Nixon led the club in RBI with eight. Brian Roberts' four steals were tops on the team. David Wright and Manny Ramirez each had two homers. Scott Kazmir and Boof Bonzer each allowed one run over six innings, with Kazmir striking out eight. Josh Beckett fanned seven in his victory. Rich Hill went seven innings allowing two runs. Fernando Rodney picked up two holds.

Beatdown of the Week
Thunder Guts vs. Guitar Face

It's a sad day in Thunder Guts nation, as the team completed it's free fall to the basement this week. A league record 11-1 rout was handed out by Guitar Face this week, taking them from eighth place to fifth and only two games out of second. After opening the season with an 8-4 victory, the Thunder Guts have gone 10-37-1 in the last four series and have received the Beatdown of the Week three times. Trade rumors have been surrounding first baseman Albert Pujols after his slow start. Summing up his team's performance so far this season, Thunder Guts owner Jah Slowness was quoted as saying "I hate baseball."

The Flyin' Hawaiian Shane Victorino stole a ridiculous seven bases this week and went 11-for-23 with a homer at the plate while scoring eight runs. Adam Dunn had a pair of homers and rolled sixes in Runs and RBI. Vlad Guerrero had a pair of homers and nine RBI on nine hits this week. Jhonny Peralta also had two jacks with eight RBI and six runs. Aaron Hill had two of his four hits this week go over the fence. Todd Helton continued his hot hitting with a nine hit week, six runs, seven RBI and a homer. Jake Peavy blew away twenty hitters in his fourteen innings of work. He had a 1.93/0.79 line and a victory in two starts. Kelvim Escobar continued his strong return from injury with seven innings of one run ball to pick up the victory. Midweek pickup Ryan Dempster contributed two saves backing up Huston Street's three.

Derek Jeter and Troy Tulowitzki led the Thunder Guts offense with ten hits each. Jeter drove in five while Tulowitzki scored five. Omar Vizquel and Eric Byrnes both had 9-for-25 weeks with two steals. Ray Durham and Felipe Lopez both had two steals as well. Ty Wiggington had the only two-homer week for the Guts, and Brad Hawpe tied for the team lead in RBI with six. Johan Santana returned to old form this week, allowing one run and striking out five in his five inning victory. Scott Olsen went twelve innings in his two starts, allowing three runs and striking out nine. Aaron Harang fanned eight in five innings but got cuffed around a bit in his loss. The Brett Myers Closer Experiment seems to be going swimmingly, as he recorded the first two saves of his career without allowing a hit. Francisco Rodriguez also notched two saves and Pat Neshek picked up a pair of holds for the club's only win this week.

Nail-biter of the Week
Champ Is Here vs. 2 Piece & a Biscuit

These two clubs, battling near the top of the standings, played to a 6-6 draw this week. The Champ won hitting 4-2 and 2 Piece returned the favor, winning pitching 4-2. 2 Piece dominated the pitching categories but couldn't get any help from the bullpen, losing both relief categories. The Champ has yet to lose a series, going 4-0-2 so far. Champ led the league in homers and RBI this week and set a league record for on-base with a .411 mark. 2 Piece led the league in ERA and WHIP. The Champ held steady at fourth place, nine games out while 2 Piece dropped a spot to third, one game ahead of Champ.

JJ Hardy had fifteen hits in twenty-eight trips for the Champ this week. Throw in two homers, nine RBI and eight Runs and that's huge. Victor Martinez had ten hits, six runs, six RBI, and a homer. Gary Sheffield had a pair of homers to match his two steals in only three games this week. Chipper Jones had three bombs, six runs and six RBI. Barry Bonds drove in five, scored seven and had two jacks. Mike Mussina gave up a run on four hits in his start this week to pick up the club's only pitching victory. Barry Zito allowed two runs over seven, striking out four. Francisco Cordero and Mariano Rivera each had two saves.

Mark Teixeira led Three Shots with nine hits, also adding two homers, six RBI, and five runs scored. Matt Holliday led the team in RBI with eight and runs with six, adding a pair of homers to boot. Chase Utley drove in six while Ryan Freel swiped two bases. Melvin Mora and Dan Uggla each scored five runs. Carlos Beltran added two bombs. Paul LoDuca hit .421/.476 and Carlos Guillen hit .462/.632, both in limited action this week. Three Shots pitching was amazing this week, with five starters allowing one run or less. Phillip Hughes had a no-hitter going into the seventh before leaving the game with a hamstring injury. John Smoltz threw seven shutout innings, striking out six in his victory. Roy Oswalt pitched eight innings, allowing one run and five baserunners to pick up the win. John Maine and Jose Contreras each allowed one run over six innings, with Maine running his record to 5-0. Jonathan Papelbon saved two games on the week.

Three Shots vs. Too Drunk to Function

Too Drunk is in last place no more after dispatching Three Shots with a 10-1-1 whooping this week. The Drunks had a balanced attack this week, winning five hitting and five pitching categories. Drunk pitching led the league with 70 strikeouts and 7 wins this week. The series win was the first this season for the Drunks but was enough to climb three spots to seventh. Three Shots falls two spots to ninth.

Two Drunks broke out of their early season hangovers this week to lead the offense. Alfonzo Soriano was 12-for-30 with two homers and six runs scored on the week, while Michael Young had two homers, six runs, and six RBI to go with his nine hits. Craig Monroe had a big week, hitting three homers, driving in ten and scoring seven. Luke Scott drove in five runs while Aaron Roward scored five times. Luis Castillo hit .467/.500 in limited duty. CC Sabathia won both of his starts this week, striking out eighteen in thirteen innings of work. John Lackey fanned fifteen in fourteen innings, winning one of his two starts on the week. Brad Penny fired six scoreless innings and Chien-Ming Wang picked up the victory with eight innings of one-run ball. Jason Isringhausen and Dan Wheeler each notched two saves.

Not alot of bright spots for Three Shots this week, as the team hit .213 on the week. Orlando Hudson was 9-for-26 with two homers, a pair of steals and five driven in. Bill Hall scored five runs on seven hits. Jim Edmonds and Scott Rolen went a combined 1-for-36 on the week, sealing the club's offensive fate. Dan Haren had a nice start, striking out nine in seven innings of work, allowing two runs. Tim Hudson allowed five runs in sixteen innings this week, for a 2.81/0.75 line. Daniel Cabrera picked up a win in two starts to go with his eleven K's. Everyone else who touched the ball for Three Shots pretty much got bombed this week, combining for a 6.61 ERA.

Azzkickers vs. Meaty Urologists

The Meaty Urologists expand their lead to 7.5 games with their 8-3-1 win over the Azzkickers. This was a battle of the anemic offenses, as the batting average score was .252 to .248. The Urologist pitchers really stepped up this week, posting a 5-0-1 mark. With their fifth series win, the Urologists run their undefeated series mark to 5-0-1 to keep ahead of The Champ for the best series record. The Azzkickers have fallen on hard times recently, losing their last four series. They now sit in eighth place, down two spots from last week.

Torii Hunter continued his hot start for the Meaty Urologists, going 10-for-24 with a homer and a team-leading three steals. Miguel Tejada had a nine hit week for a .375/.407 line. Ryan Howard led the team in homers with two and RBI with seven, despite going 3-for-22 on the week. Curtis Granderson stole a pair of bases and homered. Pat Burrell was walk-tacular this week, producing the head-scratching .111/.429 line. Bronson Arroyo led the pitching staff, grabbing two victories and allowing four runs over twelve innings, striking out twelve. Cole Hamels also picked up a pair of wins this week, striking out fifteen. AJ Burnett was both unhittable and very hittable this week, striking out sixteen in twelve innings while allowing ten runs for a 7.11/1.58 line. Hideki Okajima had three holds and Jonathon Broxton had a pair. Takashi Saito and Billy Wagner each had two saves.

Prince Fielder was the king of the Azzkickers this week, launching four bombs, driving in twelve, scoring eight times, and collecting eleven hits in twenty-five tries, leading the team in all categories. Hanley Ramirez had eight hits, including a homer, two steals and five runs scored. Rickie Weeks scored seven runs and also stole a pair of bases. Chris Black Young had two homers and a steal, though he only hit .179/.233. Mark Teahan was 9-for-27 with two steals. Ben Sheets was solid this week, allowing four runs in twelve innings, winning one of his two starts. The usually reliable Roy Halliday got hammered this week, allowing ten runs in fourteen innings, though he did strike out eleven and somehow managed to pick up a victory. Randy Wolf fanned thirteen to lead the club, though his 5.73/2.00 line on the week didn't help matters. Joe Borowski had two saves.

Three Stars - Hitters

#1 - Prince Fielder, Azzkickers
The Prince played like royalty this week, leading the league in RBI with twelve, tying for the lead in homers with four and runs with eight. He went 11-for-25 for a .440/.533 line to take the gold.

#2 - Troy Glaus, Taintstains
A 10-for-25 week from Glaus was capped by four homers, seven RBI and eight runs scored. He hit .400/.483 for the week.

#3 - JJ Hardy, Champ
An MVP candidate according to Shaun Kennedy, JJ Hardy had fifteen hits this week in twenty-eight tries for a .536/.567 line. A pair of homers, nine RBI and eight runs scored were good enough to beat out some tough competition for the bronze.

Three Stars - Pitchers

#1 - Jake Peavy, Guitar Face
The Guitar Face ace makes his second Three Stars appearance in two weeks after racking up twenty K's and a 1.93/0.79 line on the week.

#3 - Phillip Hughes, 2 Piece & a Biscuit
Hughes' no-hit bid came to an abrupt end after six and a third, not because of an opposing hitter but because of a hamstring injury. Hopefully for the 2 Piece faithful, this outing was a show of what is to come, not what could have been.

#3 - Chris White Young, Death Ro
Chris Young threw eight shutout innings this week, allowing three hits and striking out eight in the victory.

Next Week in Hardcore

Be sure to read Shaun's preview below of "Next Week in Hardcore"