Uncle Teddy Press Conference

Hello everyone, this morning I would like to announce that the Uncle Teddy franchise is heading into a new direction. While we were not serious contenders in the 2007 season, we feel we are set up to win the Hardcore League in each of the next three seasons. With the young talent we have and some of the greatest baseball minds in our front office, we feel we are the best organization in the Hardcore League.

While taking a "building" approach in 2007, we feel comfortable dropping the Azzkickers (or Azzslappers) from our team name. From now on, we shall be known as Uncle Teddy and the Revolution.

Our team's staff remains mostly the same from 2007. We have made some minor tweaks that will help us win those three championships. New members to the Uncle Teddy Franchise are listed with an asterisk by it. We welcome them into the Uncle Teddy family and they also share the vision that we have in dominating our opponents.

Field Staff

Manager: Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy

Hitting Coach: Felix Jose

Pitching Coach: Jack Bauer*

Bench Coach: Peyton Manning (w/ a chart full of audibles)

Bullpen Catcher: MacGyver*

Batboy: Dwight Schrute*

Ugly Coach: All of the Rams’ Cheerleaders*

Buffet Coach: Jack Box

Management

GM: Thurman Thomas

Training Staff: The Pussycat Dolls

Radio/TV

Play by Play Guy: Gorilla Monsoon*

Colored Man: Cedric The Entertainer*

Studio Guy: Frank Caliendo impersonating Jim Rome

Entertainment

PA Announcer: Dennis Haysbert (as President Palmer)*

Anthem Singer: The Meaty Cheesy Boys*

PR Director: William Jefferson Clinton

Celebrity Fan: Alfonso Ribeiro

Mascot: Pork Steaks

Fight Song: The Saved by the Bell theme song*

Marketing Campaign: “Newly renovated Whorehouse and Casino on level 3”*

Stadium Sponsor: Ranken Tech (full name: The Death Pit at Ranken Technical College Field)