Channel 4 gets: Erik Bedard ($1,750,000, 2 yrs) Desmond Jennings ($0, R-0) James Madison gets: Carlos Quentin ($250,000) Derek Lowe ($1,000,000) The money works out exactly even. In a subsequent transaction, JMG releases Ty Wigginton and his $1,000,000 salary.
2 Piece gets: Manny Parra ($1,500,000) Viagra Falls gets: Mike Lowell ($2,000,000) 2 Piece saves $250,000 against the cap.
Here you will find a list of players that their owners are looking to trade, as well as what they are looking for in return. Last update: 7/15/08 2 Piece & a Biscuit Looking to Move:
| Bobby Abreu | 5,250,000 | RF | 1 |
Channel 4 News Team (cap +$250,000) Sign: Andy Sonnenstine($250,000) DL: Jeff Francis The Champ Is Here (cap +$750,000, released +$1,750,000) Sign: Dioner Navarro($250,000) Scott Baker($250,000) David DeJesus($250,000) Release: Kenji Johjima Tom Gorzellany James Madison Gang (cap +$750,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Hong-Chih Kuo($250,000) Ron Mahay($250,000) Ricky Nolasco($250,000) Release: Jonathan Sanchez
Channel 4 News Team (cap +$1,500,000, released +$1,250,000) Sign: Jason Giambi($250,000) Eric Hinske($250,000) Kurt Suzuki($250,000) Doug Brocail($250,000) Brett Lawrie($250,000) Anthony Hewitt($250,000 Release: Jack Cust Wladimir Balentin
Uncle Teddy (cap +$500,000) Sign: Gavin Floyd($250,000) Brendon Morrow($250,000) Death Ro (cap +$250,000) Sign: Fred Lewis($250,000)
James Madison Gang (cap +$500,000) Sign: Jose Contreras($250,000) Jonathan Sanchez($250,000)
2 Piece & a Biscuit (cap +$250,000) Sign: Jake Odorizzi($250,000) Release: Roger Clemens Death Ro (cap +$250,000) Sign: Jesse Litsch($250,000)
Lousy Street Weasels (cap +$500,000) Sign: Ryan Dempster($250,000) Salomon Torres)$250,000)
2 Piece & a Biscuit (cap +$250,000) Sign: Clint Barmes($250,000) Demote to AAA: Jeremy Sowers Uncle Teddy and the Revolution (cap +$1,250,000, released +$500,000) Sign: Dan Wheeler($750,000) Buster Posey($250,000) Scott Downs($250,000) Release: Manny Acosta Duaner Sanchez Death Ro (cap +$250,000) Promote to MLB: Chris Perez($250,000) Demote to AAA: Rich Hill Aaron Heilman James Madison Gang (cap +$250,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Taylor Buchholz($250,000) Release: Keith Foulke
Since I'm an insensitive bastard, here's my graphical message to Uncle Teddy upon hearing that he got some of the brain cancer....
After word got out about Ted Kennedy's trip to the hospital this morning, Uncle Teddy & the Revolution owner Shaun Kennedy rounded up the troops to try and stay focused on this week's matchup.
"We were concerned for Uncle Teddy, but after we received word that he'll be okay, it was time to get back to business. Uncle Teddy would want it that way," said the owner. While Ted is out of action, bench coach Peyton Manning (w/ his chart full of audibles) will take over. But Uncle Teddy is not expected to miss much time, according to Shaun: "I fully anticipate him shaking this off and coming back to the club within one or two days. Ever since we put that strip club in the locker room, it's been hard to get him away from this place. If anything, the trip to the hospital is more of a vacation."
The rest of the club said that they would not let this situation distract them from the task at hand - kicking the Thunder Guts' ass. They plan on dedicating all wins to Uncle Teddy this week. Some of the bullpen crew will pay tribute to their manager by writing either "Mike MaGwiyah" or "Sammy Sooser" on the bill of their caps.
To raise money for seizure research, celebrity fan Alfonso Ribeiro signed autographs for a minimal fee outside of Ranken Technical College Field. By press time, Ribeiro had raised $13.
This is the moment I've been waiting for; the inevitable failure of Jason Isringhausen. I have Chris Perez, all you Cards fans, who wants him? I have been expressed interest by more than one owner already today. For the right offer he can be yours, he was my second round pick in the AAA Draft so I realize he's got some descent stuff. Otherwise everytime he gets a save or hold it will be wasted on me, a Cubs fan.
"I'm Chris Perez and I approve this post" - Chris Perez
2 Piece & a Biscuit (cap +$1,500,000) Sign: Joe Saunders($250,000) Todd Wellemeyer($250,000) Ryan Ludwick($1,000,000) James Madison Gang (cap +$500,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Milton Bradley($250,000) Greg Smith($250,000) Release: Randy Wolf Viagra Falls Snake Charmers (cap +$250,000, released +$1,000,000) Sign: Chris Iannetta($250,000) Release: Al Reyes Jacque Jones Champ Is Here (cap +$250,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Justin Duchscherer($250,000) Release: Casey Janssen
Death Ro (cap +$250,000, released +#250,000) Sign: Ramon Ramirez($250,000) Release: Lyle Overbay Uncle Teddy (cap +$250,000) Sign: Steven Strasburg($250,000)
Lousy Street Weasels (cap +$250,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Ervin Santana($250,000) Release: Rajai Davis Uncle Teddy and the Revolution (cap +$500,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Duaner Sanchez($250,000) Manny Acosta($250,000) Send to AAA: Jason Kubel Release: Felix Pie Channel Four News Team Release: Edwardo Morlan James Madison Gang (released +$2,000,000) Release: Anthony Reyes Livan Hernandez Viagra Falls Snake Charmers (released +$250,000) Release: Chuck James, bitch
Viagra Falls Snake Charmers (cap +$250,000) Sign: Cliff Lee($250,000) James Madison Gang (cap +$250,000, released +$500,000) Sign: Ryan Church($250,000) Release: Corey Patterson David Riske Activate from DL: J.J. Putz
Channel 4 News Team (cap +$250,000) Recall to MLB: Mark Teahan($250,000) Demote to AAA: Barry Bonds The Lousy Street Weasels (cap +$500,000 Sign: Dana Eveland($250,000) Santiago Casilla($250,000) The Death Ro (cap +$250,000) Sign: Jake Westbrook($250,000) DL: Rich Harden 2 Piece and a Biscuit (cap +$500,000) Sign: Kyle Lohse($250,000) Kyle McClellan($250,000) DL: Pedro Martinez Joe Borowski James Madison Gang (cap +$750,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Mike Jacobs($250,000) Randy Wolf($250,000) Livan Hernandez($250,000) Release: Dave Bush DL: Erik Bedard
|
Revolution vs. Death Ro | |
|
Uncle Teddy and the Revolution 12-0 (23-1) | |
| Carlos Pena | 4 HR, 8 RBI, 6 R |
| Hanley Ramirez | 2 HR, 6 R, 6 RBI, 1 SB, 11 H |
| Rickie Weeks | 2 HR, 6 R, 3 RBI, 2 SB |
| Cole Hamels | 14 IP, 1 ER, 9 K, 2 Wins |
| Javier Vazquez | 14 IP, 3 ER, 17 K, 2 Wins |
| Huston Street | 3 Saves, 0 ER |
|
The Death Ro 0-12 (9-15) | |
| Bill Hall | 3 HR, 4 R, 3 RBI |
| Josh Hamilton | 2 HR, 8 RBI, 4 R |
| Brandon Phillips | 3 SB, 3 R |
| Daisuke Matsuzaka | 11.2 IP, 4 ER, 9 K, 2 Wins |
| Kevin Gregg | 2 Saves |
| Joaquin Benoit | 2 IP, 0 ER, Hold |
|
Madison Gang vs. Taintstains | |
|
James Madison Gang 10-2 (14-10) | |
| Vladimir Guerrero | 2 HR, 8 RBI, 4 R |
| Corey Patterson | 2 HR, 5 RBI, 4 R, 1 SB |
| Willy Taveras | 7 R, 3 SB, 8 H |
| Brian Bannister | 14 IP, 2 ER, 9 K, 2 Wins |
| Roy Halliday | 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 K, Win |
| John Smoltz | 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 K, Win |
|
Eastside Taintstains 2-10 (6-17-1) | |
| Orlando Hudson | 2 HR, 7 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB |
| David Wright | 2 HR, 4 RBI, 3 R, 2 SB |
| Manny Ramirez | 1 HR, 6 R, 6 RBI |
| Tim Hudson | 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 K, Win |
| Edinson Volquez | 5 IP, 0 ER |
| Brian Wilson | 2 Saves |
|
Weasels vs. 2 Piece | |
|
The Lousy Street Weasels 8-3-1 (15-8-1) | |
| Jason Bay | 3 HR, 6 R, 5 RBI |
| Bengie Molina | 2 HR, 7 RBI, 5 R, 10 H |
| Ian Kinsler | 3 SB, 5 R, 3 RBI |
| Dan Haren | 12 IP, 2 ER, 12 K, 2 Wins |
| Chien-Ming Wang | 9 IP, 1 ER, 2 H, Win |
| Jason Isringhausen | 2 Saves, Win, 4 K |
|
2 Piece and a Biscuit 3-8-1 (11-12-1) | |
| Jhonny Peralta | 3 HR, 5 RBI, 5 R |
| Chone Figgins | 4 SB, 3 R |
| Mark Ellis | 2 SB, 5 RBI, 4 R, 10 H |
| Jeff Niemann | 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 K, Win |
| Jonathan Papelbon | 2 Saves, 0 ER, 5 K |
| Heath Bell | 2 Holds, 4.2 IP, 1 ER |
|
Thunder Guts vs. News Team | |
|
Thunder Guts 6-5-1 (9-14-1) | |
| Raul Ibanez | 4 HR, 11 RBI, 7 R, 10 H |
| Albert Pujols | 3 HR, 7 RBI, 7 R, 1 SB, 10 H |
| Pat Burrell | 3 HR, 7 RBI, 6 R |
| Aaron Harang | 8 IP, 1 ER, Win |
| John Maine | 6 IP, 1 ER |
| Matt Capps | 2 Saves, 0 ER, 4 K |
|
Channel 4 News Team 5-6-1 (12-10-2) | |
| B.J. Upton | 1 HR, 7 RBI, 6 R, 2 SB |
| Miguel Tejada | 1 HR, 5 R, 5 RBI, 1 SB |
| Jacoby Ellsbury | 2 SB, 3 RBI, 4 R |
| Tim Lincecum | 12 IP, 3 ER, 18 K, Win |
| Derek Lowe | 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 K, Win |
| Zack Greinke | 8 IP, 0 ER, Win |
|
Champ vs. Snake Charmers | |
|
The Champ Is Here 6-5-1 (11-12-1) | |
| Lance Berkman | 3 HR, 8 R, 7 RBI, 1 SB |
| Eric Byrnes | 1 HR, 8 R, 5 RBI, 1 SB, 11 H |
| Jeff Francoeur | 2 HR, 8 RBI, 4 R |
| Brett Myers | 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 K, Win |
| Barry Zito | 6 IP, 1 ER |
| Francisco Cordero | Save, 0 ER, 3 K |
|
Viagra Falls Snake Charmers 5-6-1 (6-17-1) | |
| Matt Holliday | 2 HR, 10 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB, 12 H |
| Richie Sexson | 1 HR, 6 RBI, 4 R |
| Erick Aybar | 3 SB, 5 R, 9 H |
| Andy Pettitte | 6.2 IP, 1 ER, Win |
| Dustin McGowan | 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 K |
| B. Lidge/CJ Wilson | 2 Saves each, 0 ER |
#1 - Raul Ibanez - 4 HR, 11 RBI, 7 R, 10-for-27 (.370/.469)
#2 - Matt Holliday - 2 HR, 10 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB, 12-for-25 (.480/.519)
#3 - Carlos Pena - 4 HR, 8 RBI, 6 R, 5-for-25 (.200/.355)
#1 - Cole Hamels - 2 Wins, 14 IP, 0.64 ERA, 0.79 WHIP, 9 Ks
#2 - Tim Lincecum - 1 Win, 12 IP, 2.25 ERA, 1.25 WHIP, 18 Ks
#3 - Javier Vazquez - 2 Wins, 14 IP, 1.93ERA, 0.93 WHIP, 17 Ks
Revolution vs. Snake Charmers | |
Uncle Teddy and the Revolution 11-1 | |
| Chris B. Young | 3 HR, 7 R, 2 SB |
| Carlos Pena | 2 HR, 4 R, 5 RBI |
| Howie Kendrick | 12 H, 6 R, 2 SB |
| Felix Hernandez | 15 IP, 0 ER, 9 K |
| Brandon Webb | 13 IP, 3 ER, 11 K, 2 Wins |
| Ian Snell | 12 IP, 13 K, Win |
Viagra Falls Snake Charmers 1-11 | |
| Jermaine Dye | 10 H, 2 HR, 7 R |
| Ryan Zimmerman | 2 HR, 5 R, 3 RBI |
| Carl Crawford | 6 R, 3 SB |
| Jered Weaver | 13.1 IP, 3 ER, 11 K, Win |
| Hiroki Kuroda | 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 H, Win |
| C.J. Wilson | 2 IP, 0 ER, Save |
Death Ro vs. Thunder Guts | |
The Death Ro 9-3 | |
| Derrek Lee | 3 HR, 6 R, 4 RBI, 10 H |
| Yunel Escobar | 1 HR, 4 R, 7 RBI |
| Carlos Lee | 2 HR, 3 R, 3 RBI, 8 H |
| Rich Harden | 11 IP, 1 ER, 15 K, Win |
| Daisuke Matsuzaka | 11.2 IP, 3 ER, 15 K, Win |
| Carlos Zambrano | 13.2 IP, 2 ER, 12 K, Win |
Thunder Guts 3-9 | |
| Pat Burrell | 8 H, 1 HR, 6 RBI |
| Justin Morneau | 2 HR, 7 RBI, 3 R |
| Josh Willingham | 2 HR, 4 RBI, 3 R |
| Ben Sheets | 15.1 IP, 0 ER, 15 K, Win |
| Johan Santana | 14 IP, 3 ER, 11 K, Win |
| F. Rodriguez/J. Accardo | 3 Saves each, 0 ER |
2 Piece vs. Madison Gang | |
2 Piece and a Biscuit 8-4 | |
| Chase Utley | 3 HR, 8 R, 6 RBI |
| Xavier Nady | 3 HR, 9 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB |
| Chipper Jones | 11 H, 1 HR, 6 R, 6 RBI |
| Micah Owings | 6.2 IP, 1 ER, 2 H, 9 K, Win |
| Adam Wainwright | 8 IP, 2 ER, Win |
| Pena/Fuentes/Bell | 2 Holds each, 0 ER |
James Madison Gang 4-8 | |
| Jim Thome | 2 HR, 5 RBI, 4 R |
| Corey Hart | 3 SB, 4 RBI, 5 R |
| Brian Roberts | 3 SB, 1 HR, 3 R |
| Erik Bedard | 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 K |
| M. Rivera / B. Jenks | 3 Saves each, 0 ER |
| Scott Linebrink | 3 Holds, 0 ER |
Ch. 4 News Team vs. Taintstains | |
Channel 4 News Team 7-4-1 | |
| Alex Gordon | 2 HR, 6 RBI, 4 R |
| Blastings Thrilledge | 8 H, 1 HR, 5 R, 2 RBI |
| Nick Swisher | 1 HR, 5 R, 2 RBI, .481 OBP |
| Derek Lowe | 12 IP, 3 ER, 10 K |
| A.J. Burnett | 6 IP, 2 ER, Win |
| George Sherrill | 3 Saves, 0 ER |
Eastside Taintstains 4-7-1 | |
| Jason Varitek | 2 HR, 3 RBI, 3 R |
| Jimmy Rollins | 1 HR, 5 R, 4 RBI, 2 SB |
| David Wright | 1 HR, 6 RBI, 4 R |
| Fausto Carmona | 7 IP, 1 ER, Win |
| Tim Hudson | 13 IP, 7 K, Win |
| Carlos Marmol | 5 IP, 1 ER, 2 Holds |
Weasels vs. Champ | |
The Lousy Street Weasels 7-5 | |
| Rick Ankiel | 3 HR, 6 RBI, 5 R |
| Vernon Wells | 2 HR, 5 RBI, 6 R |
| Todd Helton | 2 HR, 3 RBI, 3 R |
| Chien-Ming Wang | 13 IP, 2 ER, 8 K, 2 Wins |
| Brad Penny | 12.2 IP, 4 ER, Win |
| Izzy/Nathan/Soria | 3 Saves each, 0 ER |
The Champ Is Here 5-7 | |
| Alex Rios | 3 SB, 5 R, 4 RBI |
| Rafael Furcal | 10 H, 4 R, 3 RBI, 1 SB |
| Lance Berkman | 1 HR, 3 RBI, 4 R, 2 SB |
| Jake Peavy | 16 IP, 1 ER, 12 K, 2 Wins |
| Oliver Perez | 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 K, Win |
| Francisco Cordero | 3 IP, 0 ER, 1 H, Win, Save |
#1 - Chase Utley - 3 HR, 6 RBI, 8 R, 9-for-21 (.429/.519)
#2 - Derrek Lee - 3 HR, 4 RBI, 6 R, 10-for-25 (.400/.423)
#3 - Xavier Nady - 3 HR, 9 RBI, 6 R, 1 SB, 10-for-26 (.385/.448)
#1 - Jake Peavy - 2 Wins, 16 IP, 0.56 ERA, 0.56 WHIP, 12 Ks
#2 - Ben Sheets - 1 Win, 15.1 IP, 0.00 ERA, 0.59 WHIP, 15 Ks
#3 - Felix Hernandez - 15 IP, 0.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 9 Ks
Channel 4 News Team (cap +$250,000) Sign: Carlos Quentin($250,000) Release: Dana Eveland Eastside Taintstains (cap +$750,000 Sign: Aubrey Huff($250,000) Recall: Franklin Morales($250,000) Edinson Volquez($250,000) James Madison Gang (cap +$1,000,000, released +$2,250,000) Sign: Joe Crede($250,000) Ryan Doumit($250,000) Keith Foulke($250,000) Koji Uehara($250,000) Release: Bob Howry Mike Cameron Anthony Reyes DL: Matt Garza
Uncle Teddy & the Revolution (cap +$250,000) Sign: Jason Kubel($250,000) DL: Yovanni Gallardo Josh Johnson Death Ro (cap +$500,000, released +$250,000) Sign: Kevin Gregg($250,000) Recall: Carlos Gomez($250,000) DL: Kaz Matsui Release: Carlos Quentin James Madison Gang (cap +$1,000,000, released +$500,000) Sign: Corey Patterson($250,000) Dave Bush($250,000) David Riske($250,000) Brian Bannister($250,000) Release: Reggie Willits Brandon Morrow DL: Joel Zumaya J.J. Putz
It seemed like just yesterday that the Meaty Urologists won the inaugural Hardcore League championship. All of the team's winnings have barely hit the strip club floor, and it's time for a new season already! With the free agent signing and prospect draft last weekend, here is a breakdown of how each club fared:
2 Piece and a Biscuit
Worst: Carlos Beltran ($7.25 MM). The other big free agent splash is a guy who had off-season knee surgeries on both knees. Beltran is still relatively young, but this is a steep price for a guy with some question marks.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Chipper Jones. I could mention a bunch of "if's" here. He has played in 137, 109, 110, and 134 games from 2004-2007. Luckily 2 Piece has a lot of 3B and UTIL depth to fill in for the eventual missed time.
Zip Code Huuuge: Pedro Martinez. Behind Oswalt and Wainwright, Pedro is the 3rd starter. 2 Piece is pitching-rich in the minors, but the Major League level needs a lot of luck to keep up with the offense.
James Madison Gang
Best Signing: John Smoltz ($3.75 MM). Extremely cheap for a starter of Smoltz's caliber. Despite missing his first start of the year, he's not old and busted yet.
Worst: J.J. Putz ($4 MM). This isn't your typical "worst signing," as the JMG did not spend over $5 MM for any free agent. Unfortunately, the market for closers went way down after Putz was signed.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Jeremy Bonderman. He is making a lot of money, and was disgustingly bad in the second half of '07. JMG really needs Bonderman to rebound and at least be solid in the rotation.
Zip Code Huuuge: Conor Jackson and Stephen Drew. Getting anything of value out of these two in '08 will be enormous for The Gang's offense.
Channel 4 News Team
Best Signing: Robinson Cano ($4.25 MM). He probably should have stood pat with Cano at second base instead of...
Worst: B. J. Upton ($6.25 MM). This is a little more than what Upton should be worth in '08, but there is potential for this to be a bargain a year or two from now. With only one good year under his belt, this was a slight reach.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Alex Gordon. The club has him for four years to find out if it was worth trading Ryan Braun. Old school Meaty Urologist fans were obviously upset, but the new generation of C4NT fans can't wait to see AG on the field.
Zip Code Huuuge: Miguel Tejada. Lots of questions surrounding the other Miggy this off-season. He has the potential to return to greatness in Houston. Or the potential to sink the News Team's quest for a repeat.
Eastside Taintstains
Best Signing: Carlos Marmol ($1.5 MM). It is always nice to pick up a young arm who has nasty stuff and closer potential. The price tag is about right for the market, but there is a lot of upside value and this could/should be a multi-year deal.
Worst: The $7.25 MM left over in cap room. The Taintstains had ZERO transactions last year, so there is no reason to leave any money on the table. This could have been spent on a number of players to add depth, especially with three SP's starting the season on the DL.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Manny Ramirez. He is one of 5 Taintstains making $7 MM and up. If Manny earns his money, this team might have one of the best offenses in the league.
Zip Code Huuuge: Fausto Carmona and Tim Hudson. Another team with questions on it's pitching staff. These two will have to carry the load for a while until the big boys (Beckett and Kazmir) return to form. After that, they will still need solid seasons for E.T. to finish in the top half of the standings.
Viagra Falls Snake Charmers
Best Signing: Adam Laroche ($1 MM). Because of the signing below, the VFSC had to go cheap with a lot of players. Laroche is steady, and a great value for a million. Plus, for the months when Richie Sexson will hit .180, Laroche can step in.
Worst: Matt Holliday ($12 MM). The Charmers' owner would probably disagree with this one. To his credit though, the fans wanted Holliday badly, and they got him.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: The Entire Infield (Sexson, Theriot, M. Young, Atkins, E. Aybar, Zimmerman). We know the OF's can hit, but there could be a lot of bad stats coming from at least half of these guys.
Zip Code Huuuge: Hiroki Kuroda. Another team, more rotation questions. With injuries here as well, Kuroda needs to be solid to above average for the pitching staff to be any good.
Uncle Teddy & the Revolution
Best Signing: Brandon Webb ($7.5 MM). With a lot of money to burn, Uncle Teddy needed to make a big splash somewhere. He missed out on Holliday and Peavy, and took Webb for a great value.
Worst: Rafael Betancourt ($2.75 MM). Despite the lights-out '07 stats and closer potential, this was about $750,000 too much, compared to what other set-up men went for.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Felix Hernandez. It appears that everyone is coming back to earth after expecting a 25-0, 1.11 ERA, and 400 strikeout year from King Felix. The lofty expectations were put on him at a young age, but even a slight improvement over last year's numbers will be big for Uncle Teddy.
Zip Code Huuuge: Delmon Young. Mr. Kennedy hates looking like an idiot. In year two of a four year deal, Delmon Young will have to show that he earned that contract.
Thunder Guts
Best Signing: John Maine ($2 MM). With a lot of money tied up in two players, the Guts needed to make deals like this, Ben Sheets ($2.5 MM), and James Shields ($3 MM).
Worst: Jake McGee ($2.75). The Guts got a little prospect-happy in making McGee the 9th highest paid player in the organization.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Albert Pujols. It's very slim that Albert will be more valuable than what the Guts are paying him. The day he gets shut down for the season to have elbow surgery should be the kickoff to a tremendous Thunder Guts fire sale.
Zip Code Huuuge: The team's GM. The Guts aren't a horrible team for '08, but will have a tough chance contending with the upper echelon of the Hardcore League. So it is highly important that the team make wise trades throughout the season to prepare itself for a comeback in 2009.
The Death Ro
Best Signing: Rich Hill ($3 MM). This should be a good value for '08. Way better if this is a multi-year deal.
Worst: Brad Hawpe ($4.75 MM). Death Ro got tied up in a bidding war with the Thunder Guts and this one got way out of hand. Swisher, Hermida, or Byrnes could have been had for at least a million dollars cheaper, or for $2 MM more, they could have had Magglio Ordonez.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Yunel Escobar. The youngster gives TDR a lot of flexibility up the middle. Escobar will need to be productive early and often to stay in the potent Death Ro lineup.
Zip Code Huuuge: Carlos Zambrano and Daisuke Matsuzaka. Both of these pitchers underperformed expectations last year. For Zambrano, it may have been a fluke. If both are at the top of their game in '08, The Death Ro might not relinquish his hold on first place this time around.
The Champ is Here
Best Signing: Jake Peavy ($9.5 MM). Not because the price was cheap, but SP's were much needed by The Champ. Between this deal and the Verlander trade, the pitching staff looks a lot better than it was a year ago.
Worst: Chase Headley ($1.75 MM). Another prospect-happy pickup. If Headley does better than Kevin Kouzmanoff's first year with the Padres, this may not look as bad.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Andruw Jones. This is the year we find out if Jones has completely fallen off, or if he is safe to draft again.
Zip Code Huuuge: Jose Valverde and Francisco Cordero. The Champ went out and signed the two closers that everyone is skeptical about this year. If they come close to, or meet last year's numbers, The Champ will look like a genius.
The Lousy Street Weasels
Best Signing: Todd Helton ($2 MM). He's no longer a fantasy monster, but Todd Helton isn't completely useless yet. Like the Thunder Guts, the Weasels needed to make moves like this because of a lot of money tied up in its top players.
Worst: Jason Heyward ($2.25 MM). And like the Thunder Guts, the Weasels do something puzzling like this. It's bad enough another owner wanted to spend $2 million on Heyward, who is at least two, probably 3+ years away.
This Guy Needs to be Huge: Wells, Hafner, and Bay. Lots of money on lots of disappointment.
Zip Code Huuuge: Francisco Liriano and Matt Kemp. They were both signed in 2007 because of their impact in 2008. They need to meet the Weasels' expectations to have jobs in 2009.
Welcome to the first 2008 edition of This Week in Hardcore! We'll get you ready for the new season of Hardcore League action by rounding up the offseason moves and giving you a list of what to watch for this season. Be sure to check out our quick tour around the league as we break down each club's major free agent signings.
Last weekend wrapped up the offseason signing and trading period for the league, and what a period it was. While the spending didn't quite live up to the hype, there were a few surprises in the market and a couple of teams changed from "Pretenders" to "Contenders" overnight. There were also three trades, two of them blockbusters, to catch you up on. All this and more in This Week In Hardcore!
Jeremy Guthrie Chris Black Young Chris Lubanski German Duran Kevin Kouzmanoff Max Scherzer Brian Bannister Adam Lind Andy LaRoche All these players will be available during the free agent signing period March 22nd.
| Owner | Bonus |
| Justin Rohour | $1,750,000 |
| Ben Bridgman | $1,750,000 |
| Jah Slowness | $1,500,000 |
| Andrew Johnson | $1,000,000 |
| Scott Curry | $750,000 |
| Eric Ferguson | $500,000 |
| Thomas Richards | $500,000 |
| Shaun Kennedy | $500,000 |
| David Inlow | $500,000 |
| Tony Pellegrino | $500,000 |
Hello everyone, this morning I would like to announce that the Uncle Teddy franchise is heading into a new direction. While we were not serious contenders in the 2007 season, we feel we are set up to win the Hardcore League in each of the next three seasons. With the young talent we have and some of the greatest baseball minds in our front office, we feel we are the best organization in the Hardcore League.
While taking a "building" approach in 2007, we feel comfortable dropping the Azzkickers (or Azzslappers) from our team name. From now on, we shall be known as Uncle Teddy and the Revolution.
Our team's staff remains mostly the same from 2007. We have made some minor tweaks that will help us win those three championships. New members to the Uncle Teddy Franchise are listed with an asterisk by it. We welcome them into the Uncle Teddy family and they also share the vision that we have in dominating our opponents.
Confirming rumors that had long circulated on the Internets, Meaty Urologists GM Eric Ferguson confirmed the team’s name change to “The Channel Four News Team.”
“Our research found that people were more willing to wear t-shirts, hats, etc., if they made no mention of “meatiness” or urology. As GM of this storied franchise, it is my duty to give the people what they want.”
In other C4 news, Ferguson remained noncommittal regarding whether any of his front office staff would return for the ’08 season.
“It’s easy for people to point at our ’07 results and say, ‘Obviously, those people earned their keep.’ But I think anyone with a half a monkey’s brain can see that the deal I cut with Satan was the key. And I’m not saying that Satanism is a foolproof road map to fantasy success … but it is. I’m just proud of myself for having the fortitude to experiment with the dark arts.
“So really, the hero here, like I’ve always said, is me.”
Meaty Urologists GM Eric Ferguson emerged from a drunken stupor Thursday just long enough to comment on his team’s continued pursuit of Colby Rasmus. The results were anything but coherent.
“You tell that no-good rotten crotch David Inlow that we’ve got plenty of dollars and players and people and stuff. It’s all on the table. All I’m asking is – wait a minute, I’m not asking, I’m telling! I’m setting a deadline of January 5, 2007, to get something done with that Rasmus kid or else my people will have to have a little talk with his kneecaps.”
When informed that it was actually 2008, Ferguson remained firm on the previously announced deadline.
“I don’t negotiate with terrorists,” he said.
The Urologists’ package is believed to include Jacoby Ellsbury and at least one of their JV prospects (Reid Brignac, Jed Lowrie, Chris Lubanksi, Wladimir Balentien, etc.).